


Another Day in Hell

by SupernaturalfanLuc



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Bullying, Child Abuse, Dean Winchester Cooks, Depression, Hospitalization, Jock Dean Winchester, M/M, Miracle the dog, Murder, Neglect, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Repressed Dean Winchester, Self-Harm, Sexual Harassment, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, hints of sabriel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:21:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 32,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28571442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SupernaturalfanLuc/pseuds/SupernaturalfanLuc
Summary: Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester have been friends since they could remember, however, when things get difficult and with too many secrets to hide, what will happen to their friendship? Will Castiel Novak confess his feelings towards Dean? Will Dean Winchester become the man he never wanted to be?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Meg Masters, Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**A Fractured Arm Vs a Fractured Heart**

"Cas!" I heard Dean's familiar voice from across the apartment. "Yes, Dean?" I responded as I searched through all the boxes. We had just moved into an apartment together. We thought that since we were both going to the same high school and needed to get away from our homes, it would be financially easier to rent out an apartment together. "Gabe and Sammy are going to come over and help us unpack. Then we are going to head over to the diner." Dean's cucumber green eyes landed on my vibrant blue eyes for a second before they flew across the room. "Okay! Guess we will have to see the two bringers of destruction soon." I sighed thinking about the last time Gabe and Sam got together to prank the both of us. "Yep! I'll leave you to it and make sure to hurry your feathery-" "Dean!" "What!?" I glared at him, which somehow answered his question. I picked up my box and took it over to my room while Dean followed silently behind. We dropped my boxes off into my room before doing the same to his. We worked in comfortable silence before the doorbell rang. "I'LL GET IT!" I screamed from across the room as I ran trying to get to the door before Dean. Dean sprinted across the room and towards the door. Before I could stop myself, I tripped and flew right at him causing us to go stumbling across the room. "It's open." Dean groaned as I tried to get out of the wrapped-up mess we were. His leg was hooked around mine while he laid on my arm. I could feel my other arm stuck between our legs. His free hand was rubbing the side of his head that had collided against the wall. His other hand was stuck between us. I heard someone open the door while I allowed my head to drop onto Dean's chest. I let out an exasperated sigh once I gave up trying to get out of the knot we were in. Dean laughed as he watched me struggle. "Dean, what do you think you're doing?" Sam said with just as much of the amount of sass as Gabe has candy. "DOGPILE!" I hear Gabe scream as he and Sam come running at us. I bit down on Dean's leather jacket as I fought back a scream. I felt the pain hit me and it hit me hard. Suddenly, I heard a loud pop in my arm. I shook the pain off even though it felt like a thousand knives were going through me when I moved it. Dean must've heard the noise because he struggled and failed as he tried to push Sam and Gabe off. I smiled weakly at him before remembering I had a voice and yelling at them to get off. I quickly added for them to help Dean and me unravel ourselves. As soon as they got up, I felt some of the pain and pressure leave my arm. I let out a relieved sigh. Once they pulled Dean and me apart, Dean immediately checked my arm to make sure it was okay. "DUDE!!!" Dean said with a gasp. "You fractured my little angel's arm!" "What!?" I said confused. "GABE!!!" Sam whined. "It wasn't me you oversized moose!" Gabe replied defensively. "With all the candy you eat, you are just as bad as me!" Sam stuck his tongue out at Gabe. Gabe ran over and licked it quickly before Sam got the chance to retract it. Gabe winked at Sam's shocked face reviving lots of oohs and awws. "Well, are you going to help us unpack or not?" I said frustrated with my hungry stomach. Sam and Gabe let out groans before retreating to our rooms. Gabe went into mine and Sam went into Dean's. I could hear Sam teasing Dean before asking him what had happened before they opened the door. I laughed to myself as I thought about my clumsiness. Before long, we had finished unpacking and we were on our way to the diner. Ash, Jo, Ellen, and Bobby are all going to be there today. I smiled fondly when I thought about how kind they all are to me. Even though they are Dean's family, they treat me like family too. It must be because they've known me for so long. But like they said, family doesn't end in blood. We ordered what we normally do before a lovely brunette walked over to our table. Sam and Gabe exchanged looks as they watched her walk over like she owned the place. I looked at them confused while they just smiled and shrugged. "Hey Dean," she said with a bright smile, "you still up for tonight?" She winked at him and his cheeks turned slightly pink. "Umm..." Dean's voice trailed off as he looked at me shyly before turning his attention back at her. "Yea, seven, tonight, my place." He smiled as he wrote down our apartment number and address on a napkin. He handed it back to her with a smirk. I got up, cleared my throat, and excused myself, not wanting to hear the rest of the conversation. I walked over to the restroom and opened one of the stall doors. I sulked in and sat in deep thought on top of the closed toilet seat. I have had a crush on Dean for a while now. At first, it started off as a friendship, then we became best friends, and soon family. Those feelings then developed into more. I always pushed it away not wanting to confront the sad truth that Dean would never like me that way. I silently sobbed with my head in my hands. I sat there for about five minutes before I heard the bathroom door open up allowing someone to walk in. I whipped my eyes as I pretended to get up from finishing and flushed the toilet. I pulled out my phone and checked my eyes to make sure that it wasn't visible that I had been crying. I sighed, I have cried a lot growing up and have learned a thing or two about hiding the fact that I had been crying. I've hidden it so much I guess my body had gotten used to the fact that it needed to remain hidden. "Are you okay?" I heard Sam's voice echo throughout the bathroom. There was the smallest hint of empathy and worry in his voice. "Of course, I just needed to use the restroom." I looked down and realized that my fly was undone. Thank goodness, I thought to myself as I loudly zipped it back up. I hoped that it was loud enough for Sam to hear and use as proof that I had indeed been using the restroom. "Okay, whatever you say." I walked out of the restroom to find Sam washing his hands. I leaned over the one on his left and decided to do the same. I smiled, thankful for the silence. We exchanged a look that said more than a million words ever could. A few years ago, I had told Sam how I felt about Dean. I've always trusted him and he's confided in me as well. He said he understood and revealed the fact that he had feelings for my brother. We have been there for each other ever since always there in case one of us needed to let it out. We walked back out to find that Dean and Lisa had left to go out for a walk by the park. Gabe smiled at Sam the second he saw him and ran over to drag him back to the booth. I laughed as I watched Sam get confused with all the mixed signals he was getting. If I was him, I would be confused too. We always knew that Gabe was pansexual, it just confused us on whether or not he liked Sam too. "So, what's with Lisa?" I watched Gabe look at Sam for help. Sam just pushed Gabe and motioned for him to tell me. "Dean and Lisa have been dating for a while now, but they haven't told anyone. Dean's keeping it a secret from you. Dean didn't want to make you uncomfortable or make you feel like your friendship was going to die out." Gabe sighed, he knew how I felt about Dean too. I didn't tell him but he figured it out. Most people assumed Dean and I were dating but it was just how close our friendship was. "Yea, but don't worry, he's probably going to figure out how quick she is to move on and go onto another guy. She isn't the most faithful person, maybe when she's older she'll straighten out." Sam looked at me hopefully. I smiled at him and gave them a hug, thankful that they were always there for me. Once we were done eating, I got the check and paid for all of us. Dean was supposed to pay but he didn't leave any money. I guess he got so caught up in the presence of his girlfriend which he didn't tell me— his best friend, that's always been there for him, and showed him nothing but loyalty, love, and respect— about. We walked home once we realized that Dean also took the keys of the impala with him. I smiled weakly while Gabe and Sam tried cheering me up along the way, telling me jokes and funny stories while making a fool out of themselves. We got home and I allowed Sam and Gabe to spend the night. They stayed in my room while I grabbed some blankets and took the couch. I didn't bother changing or taking a shower and just went to bed before Dean and Lisa could get home.


	2. Strawberry Perfume

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel wakes up to a good old morning prank and later on Dean Winchester learns more about his dear friend.

I woke up and found myself wrapped in Dean's blankets. I looked around confused and realized that I was in Dean's room. I peeked out the door and was surprised by the sight of breakfast and Sam, Gabe, Lisa, and Dean all sitting down at the table laughing. I gently closed the door and curled back up on Dean's bed as I fell back asleep.   
"Wake up!" I heard someone say as their body fell onto mine. I groaned remembering how much my arm hurt when pressure was applied to it. I hadn't moved it much the other day but I could tell it was already getting better, I'm a pretty fast healer. It's almost inhuman.   
"I'm awake," I mumbled as I felt someone else shake the bed.   
"Hell yea! We have school today! You better be awake now, Cassie!" I jolted away once I heard Gabes voice echo from the opposite side of the room as Sam.  
"I AM AWAKE!" I ran out the door and was surprised to find Lisa sitting outside on her phone. I squealed when I felt Dean's strong arms grip me and drag me back to his room.   
"Hey! You assbutt!" I screeched.   
"Assbutt?" Dean asked, amused as I blushed.   
"We already got you some clothes." Sam said as Gabe showered me in perfume.   
"What's that!" I asked through sneezes. "It's giving me a headache!!! Why does it smell like artificial strawberries?"   
"It's Lisa's, she agreed to let me shower you with it once you woke up." Gabe smiled innocently.   
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!" I screamed as I quickly threw off all my clothes.  
"Get some underwear on first! We have a lady in this home!" Dean squealed as I ran out of his room chasing Gabe. I stopped in my tracks as I looked right up at Lisa's amused face. I turned around and caught the underwear Sam threw at me. I ran after Gabe, throwing them on in the process. I tackled him and grabbed the perfume out of his hands as I sprayed it viscously on him. I ran back into Dean's room and threw on my clothes.  
"Let's go!" I said as I ran back out, throwing a pancake into my mouth in the process. We all ran to the impala and jumped in as we raced to school. We got there just a few minutes before the bell rang, barely getting into our classes.   
When I came out as gay to the school last year, a lot of people had taken that as a reason to bully me some more. I always struggled with being bullied. My name, clothes, and weak way of being didn't help. Dean was one of the most popular boys in the school. He always tried to help but his friends always forcefully pulled him back.   
I sighed as I sat through another long day of being called a fag and other names. I was beaten in the parking lot during lunch and pelted in spit balls during class. Gabe helped me clean myself up and apply some makeup after lunch. Dean has only ever heard the names they've called me, he never knew about the abuse. It must've helped that he was barely attentive in any of my classes. People have learned to keep it hidden from Dean and so have I.   
Once school ended, I ran back home. I opened up the apartment and plopped down onto my bed, locking the doors behind me. I cried into my pillow before Dean could get home. Once I stopped, I got up and jumped into the shower. I smiled as the cold water hit me like a refreshing wave. Before I knew it, the door to the apartment opened up. I heard keys jingle as they fell onto what I believe to be the couch. I heard Dean hum a tune we both knew very well. I stopped the water near the end of the song. As I stepped out I sang "For I can't help falling in love with you..."   
"Elvis..." Dean said as he opened the door and smiled a toothy grin. I leaped back into the curtains and fell inside the bathtub. I sighed thinking about how clumsy I was while Dean laughed at me. Once he was done laughing, he helped me up and out of the curtain. I hid my face in embarrassment the entire time. He tossed me the towel and I changed into my clothes. He looked entertained while he threw off his clothes and hopped into the shower. Once I finished, I picked up my stuff and closed the door behind me leaving Dean to hum his tunes alone.   
I walked into my room and gasped as I looked into the mirror. I saw all the bruises and cuts that I have accumulated and realized that Dean might've seen. Yesterday, I had been wearing makeup just in case. Once I took the shower it must've all washed off. I groaned hoping that he was too caught up in his fit of laughter to realize.  
Later on around dinner, Dean had made a delicious pie and some burgers. Cheeseburgers are my favorite and he knew that so he had made some just for me. We sat down at the table with the lights off and some candles lit so that the electric bill won't be too high. I smiled as I bit down into the delicious burger. Dean looked at me with a look I couldn't quite identify. I smiled up at him as I devoured the delicious burger. I wonder if Dean tastes better.   
"Cas?" Dean asked me, he was happy to see that I was enjoying the food he made.  
"Yes?" I said as I bit down, taking another big bite. I moaned thinking about how delicious it tasted. Dean's cooking was one of a kind.   
"What do you think of Lisa?" I choked on my burger and fought the urge to cough. I sat there red faced as I reached for the water and guzzled it down.  
"Wow. That bad." Dean sighed and I could almost hear the disappointment in his voice. I looked back up at him, ashamed of myself for letting my feelings get in the way of our friendship.  
"No! I'm sorry, I was just surprised by the question. I didn't really know about her. I just found out last night." I mentally slapped myself for being so awkward. Dean shifted in his seat and the silence was biting at me.

"Okay..." Dean's voice trailed off and he ran his hands through his hair. I ate my food even though I had lost my appetite. I know, it's horrible for me to be such a jerk. Dean is my best friend after all, I should be supportive.   
"She's great. She's pretty and kind and caring. She has a wonderful personality and seems to really love you." I blurted out. I didn't mean most of what I had said but I said it anyway. I wanted to make Dean happy even if that meant putting myself down.   
I have struggled with depression and anxiety for a while now. Self harm and suicidal thoughts were a horrible side effect to that. A little more sadness wouldn't cause much more harm than has already been done. I've been abused, neglected, bullied, hurt, and so much more.   
My parents kicked me out as soon as they realized that I was gay. Most people think I'm gay anyways. No one really gave me time to explain that I was bisexual. I just told my parents that I liked boys one day and they immediately assumed. They told the school before they kicked me out of the house. The word got out from the principle to the teachers and from the teachers to the students.   
Whenever I tried to explain they all just thought I was saying that to make my punishment less painful. Thankfully, Dean, Sam, Gabe, Balthy, Charlie, Kevin, Benny, and a few others believed me. Even though Dean is the most popular jock in school, that doesn't stop him from being friends with the school punch bag aka freak. Some of Dean's friends are my friends too now. Most of them aren't aware of how I'm treated either. The ones that are don't say much because they aren't as close with Dean.   
"Cas!" I felt strong hands grip my shoulder and shake me. I leaped up from my chair and turned around pinning the person to the wall. My vision was blurry and it didn't help that I couldn't see very well in the dark. I wiped the wetness away from my eyes and focused on the person in front of me. I let go as soon as I realized it was Dean.   
"Cas, are you okay?" Dean looked at me, concern flooding his eyes. "Where did all those scratches and bruises come from? Are you wearing makeup? Cas!"   
"I- I... Dean! I'm okay, I was playing soccer with Gabe earlier and I tripped over a rock. His foot ending up colliding with my face during the fall." I looked at Dean and felt bad for lying to him. I was surprised by how quick and easy it had become for me to lie. Dean looked at me and nodded.   
"You didn't have to hide that from me. You fall all the time you klutz." Dean chucked and I soon felt my face flush a deep red.   
"I do not!"   
"Do too!"  
"I'm going to bed, assbutt!"  
"Fine! Me too!"  
Dean and I stormed to our rooms while laughing. I plopped down onto my bed and closed my eyes ready for another day in hell.


	3. Pancakes and such

I woke up to the wonderful smell of freshly baked pancakes. I wandered into the kitchen after my shower while I clumsily threw my clothes on. I sat down at the table admiring Dean from afar. Once he turned around my eyes flickered to the pan in his hand. I laughed as I thought about Gabe.   
"Ready for breakfast?" He said, throwing the food down.  
Once we finished gobbling down our food, we got into the car, picked up Sam and Gabe, and drove to school. The rest of our siblings lived together and drove each other to school. John was out at work a lot and Mary had sadly passed away. Adam stayed with the Novak's and had a very good relationship with all the siblings. As soon as we got to school, we parted ways.   
*TRIGGER WARNING*   
"Hey Novak!" I heard an all too familiar voice yell from down the hall. I looked around eager for an exit only to find out that I was cornered. I looked back at my school bullies as I collapsed on the floor and let their beatings take over. I sobbed once it was done. Their kicks and insults flooded my brain. Their punches beat me down more than usual. I crawled into the bathroom and fumbled through my pocket.   
I grabbed an all too familiar blade. I felt the cold metal brush against my finger tips. I walked into a stall and shut the door behind me. I didn't bother to check if there was anyone else in the bathroom. I didn't care anymore. I needed this. I took in a shaky breath as I put the smooth blade up against my skin. I pushed down and sliced into my skin. I watched as the wound took some time to open up and let out the all too familiar red color. I moaned as I felt the pain remind me I was still alive. I was still in control. I had some say in the world. I could decide whether I lived or died. 

I walked out of the stall and put the blade back into my pocket. I washed my hands and let out a gasp when I turned around to see Dean. I pulled my sleeves down but by then it was too late. He knew. He knew everything.   
I tried to run. I tried to get away but he just grabbed my other arm. He pulled me in close to his chest and I let out an ugly sob. I cried into him until I heard the bell ring. I pulled away from him and saw the sympathy in his eyes.   
"We will talk about this later. Stay safe, goodbye." Dean walked out of the bathroom and I looked myself in the mirror happy to see that my body had already adjusted. I walked out and was glad that my body had been able to heal so well and so fast. Sure some of today's scratches and bruises were there but yesterday's were barely visible. My mother used to say it was a gift. That was before she left.  
*TRIGGER WARNING END*  
The rest of the day went very smoothly. I didn't get much more trouble. I did get some insults thrown at me but nothing physical. I was happy to see Sam and Gabe come out with grins on their faces when they pulled me into a hug.  
"Rough day?" Sam poked my rib playfully.  
"You could say that." I rolled my eyes when Gabe scanned me.   
"I'm gonna go home! See you guys tomorrow!" I ran off before they could say anything else.  
When I got home, I found Dean and Lisa sitting close together on the couch. I took off my trench coat and hung it. I walked to my room and gave them their privacy. I dropped my keys into my bed and opened up my books to study.   
Dean didn't end up making dinner for me today. He did make some for Lisa though. I don't mind. I'm not hungry much anyways. I'm sure other people deserve food more than I do. I did get to study and read some fanfic.  
I threw off my shoes and plopped into bed. It was warm today so I pulled off my clothes and stayed in my boxers. I sighed relieved to be out of my clothes and getting some breeze. I closed my eyes ready for another day in hell.


	4. Straight to the Kitchen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s POV

I woke up early and went straight to the kitchen, I wanted to make sure I could make some food for all of us before school started. I mixed the batter together and dropped circles of pancake mix onto the hot skillet. I could hear Cas waking up and wandering into the shower. I wondered what he looked like and my mind began to wander... No! He's just my friend and he doesn't see me that way anyways, plus, I have a girlfriend.   
By the time I had the pancakes almost ready to be served on plates and the table set up, I could hear Cas throwing his clothes on while I could hear Sam and Gabe fighting over whose stuff was whose over the phone. Sam had called me earlier to remind me to pick him and Gabe up, as if I would forget.   
I went over to the pan with eggs and made sure to check up on them. I turned around to find Cas standing in the kitchen.   
"Ready for breakfast?" I asked him while throwing down the food on plates.   
Once Cas got his lazy butt up and ready to go, we got into Baby and headed on our way to pick up Sam and Gabe. Once we stopped by the house and picked them up, we headed to school. Dad was always out at work and mom passed away in a fire earlier on, this meant Sam and Adam got to stay at the Novak's.   
It was my idea for us to stay at the Novak's and Chuck agreed. He thought it would be a good idea to ensure that someone kept an eye on the kids. He knew that I kept us on our feet and even worked under the table to get money for us, he thought it would only be fair to help me out. Sam and Adam have a solid relationship with the Novak family and seem to get along pretty well.   
Adam has a pretty good life and is in the school's baseball team. Dad used to take him to games when he was younger and he loved it. He always wanted to be able to make dad proud with the little time they spent together. Adam is a good kid and I'm lucky to have him as my brother.   
Sam is very smart, he studies a lot, plays video games when he has the time, has plenty of A's, and I'm positive he's going to get a scholarship. He has some great friends and he's thinking about joining the football team. When he first started off at school, a kid - sort of heavy but not much taller - bullied Sammy, but once Sammy put him in his place no one has messed with him since.   
I hopped out of the car once we got to school and ushered the rest of them out. I watched Sammy run off to class with Gabe before running after my friends too. I have to keep a low profile at school when it comes to Cas because he gets picked on and my reputation is on the line. Most people know that I care about Cas and I'll stick up for him but no one really messes with him so I have no reason to socialize with him unless we are out of school.   
"Hey! Brother, we were just talking about Crowley," Benny says as he pats my shoulder.  
"What about him today?" I reply, flashing my famous smirk.  
"Just some pranks we wanted to pull and whatever. Maybe you could help us plan some?" Abaddon chimes in.   
"Alright," I chuckle to myself thinking about all the mischief these guys can cause.  
"I gotta head over to the bathroom but I'll head back over soon!" I call out while running off towards the bathroom.   
*TRIGGER WARNING*  
As I got closer to the door, I could hear a moan come from inside. I slowly opened the door not wanting to interrupt whatever might be going on. As I heard the stall door open, I noticed only one set of shoes inside. I looked up to see Cas, his arms were lined with scars, some new and some old. He quickly tugged his sleeves back down and his eyes scanned the room for an exit.   
He tried to run but instead I just reached out and grabbed his other arm. I carefully pulled him closer to me, making sure I didn't pull too hard incase he had wounds on the other arm too. I placed his head on my chest and let him cry. I wondered why he would do this to himself, what had driven him to this, how long it's been going on, my mind flooded with questions. I pushed them all away focusing on the one important thing, Cas. I looked down at him and felt him slowly pull away.   
He looked into my eyes and I could see how sorry he was, as if it was his fault. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to hug him again. I wanted to tell him everything was going to be okay, that he would be okay. Instead, very different words came out of my mouth.  
"We will talk about this later. Stay safe, goodbye."   
*END OF TRIGGER WARNING*  
I walked out of the bathroom and ran down the hall. I stopped by the corner and turned around just in time to see Cas walk out and walk down the hall. I walked to class which ironically enough, Cas and I both had most of together.   
The rest of the day went by alright, I invited Lisa over for dinner and continued on with the rest of the day. It's none of my business what Cas is doing to m- his body anyways. We are close friends and I love Cas, I really do, but I can never admit to it. I can't show it and I sure as hell can't have anyone else figure it out. Instead, I have to prove to others that I care but just not enough to actually care.   
Once school ended, I dropped off Sam and Gabe at their house. They whispered silently in the back and the only words I could make out was Cas and bad. It worried me that maybe they knew something I didn't but I brushed it off and went on with my day. I drove by Lisa's place right after and picked her up so I could take her over to my place.   
I made some food for Lisa and we ended up cuddling on the couch while watching some tv. There was a new episode to a good show that I like to watch with Cas - about two brothers that fight evil alongside their angel - on. I watched the new episode with Lisa and before it started I made sure to record it so that Cas and I could watch it later.   
Once Cas got home, he just took off his trenchcoat and went straight to his room. I never did end up to him about what happened in the bathroom that day.


	5. Lollipops and Glitter Bombs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sammy’s POV

I woke up early this morning to the sound of Gabe screaming at Luc. I wondered what the fiasco was now but I couldn't bring myself to care enough to get out of bed. Before I knew it, I could hear war cries and loud footsteps storming up the stairs. Gabe threw my door open and jumped on top of me, Lucifer, Balthazar, Samandriel, and Anna threw themselves into the doggy pile. I could hear Zachariah and Raphael shouting from downstairs. Naomi was cursing words at Metatron while a loud crash was heard from downstairs. Anael, also known as Jo, was screaming at the top of her lungs.   
"Sammy help!" Gabe screamed as he crawled under me.   
"He's the devil incarnate!" Lucifer shouted.  
"That's rich coming from you," Gabe responded. Gabe reached out and grabbed Luc's arm.  
"Stop! You're going to leave a mark!" Luc pushed Gabe's hand off of him and Gabe rolled off the bed and out the door.  
"What's that all about?" I looked at Balthy and Sam confused.   
"HE GLITTER BOMBED ZACH AND RAPH'S ROOM!" Sam shouted.   
"AND HE COATED US IN SUGAR!" Balthy added.   
"AND LUC IN LOLLIPOPS!" Anna added.   
"How-" I started but not before I was cut off.  
"Don't even ask how he managed that. I think he added some honey or something because it was sticky as hell," Balthy interjected.   
"We got lucky enough to get the sugar so we just washed it off in the shower," Sam stated.  
"I never get in on the fun!" Anna complained. "You're lucky Gabe loves you!"   
With that, they ran out of my room and downstairs. Gabe and I exchanged looks while heading down the stairs after the others. We sprinted into the kitchen, grabbed some breakfast, and ran outside.   
Dean and Cas were waiting for us in the 1967 Chevy Impala that Dean praised so much. We made our way to school and most of the way Gabe was giggling. He said something about hair dye and the water fountains. I didn't pay much attention to what he said and only picked up on some keywords. One thing is for sure, I'm definitely not having a drink from any of them any time soon.   
Once we got to school, we hopped out of the Impala and ran off to class. We had our classes together and absolutely loved the arrangement. We giggled as we ran across the school, racing to see who would be the fastest today. I got to my locker first and Gabe huffed once he caught up, grumbling something about it not being fair and me having long legs. I chucked and towered over him to tease him.   
Truth is, I've had a crush on Gabe for a while. I'm not so sure if he likes me back but I sure hope he does. I've been getting mixed signals and my mind is all over the place trying to figure out what's what and what's real. With Gabe, you can really never know when something is a prank or real. I sure learned that the hard way...  
*flashback*  
I ran down the green field squealing when I saw Gabe get closer. I almost got to the finish line when I saw him trip and fall. He looked like he was going to cry and I ran over. I bent down to make sure he was okay but the second my knees hit the floor he jumped up and placed his lips on mine. He then laughed and ran to the finish line.   
I watched him stunned wondering if that meant anything. Had he just used my feelings to win? Did he know that I liked him? I felt a blush creeping onto my cheeks. I began to get up and turn the opposite way. I needed to get out of here.  
"Sasquatch!" Gabe shouted, "I didn't mean that! C'mon, don't be that way! I was just kidding."   
My heart broke. It felt like it had been ripped out of my heart. Shattered into a million pieces. Salted and burned and then brought back again.   
*end of flashback*  
Once school ended, I waited for Cas and Gabe out of the school doors. Gabe was first out and we had to wait a bit for Cas to show up. Once Cas got out, I could see the look in his eyes that told me he wasn't okay. Although Cas might not be my brother- yet- I still think of him as one. He's always been there for me and I've always been there for him. That's how it's always been.   
"Rough day?" I asked Cas, poking his ribs gently.   
"You could say that," Cas replied, subtly rolling his eyes.   
I could tell Gabe was scanning Cas to make sure he was okay. My eyes followed him and trailed slightly down to his arm. I noticed that although his sleeve was rugged down, there was still a flap that had opened up a tad to reveal what was under. Gabe and I looked at each other wide-eyed once we realized Cas was at it again.   
"I'm gonna go home! See you guys tomorrow!" Cas ran off before Gabe and I got the chance to question him.  
A few minutes later, Dean rolled up in his Impala and drove us home. Once we got inside, he then rushed off somewhere else. I wondered what he was such in a hurry for but I didn't think much of it. I continued on with my day and made dinner with Gabe. We ended up making a mess in the kitchen and by the time Gadreel had come home from work, it looked like a tornado had hit the kitchen.   
Gadreel seemed exhausted but he was trying. Most of the siblings didn't like him much and looked down on him, but I could tell that he tried. Some others could tell too, they gave him a chance and learned he isn't all that bad. People just never allowed him to prove himself.   
Once we did eat, I ran up to my room and fell asleep. I was awoken sometime at night by a scared Gabe who had had a nightmare and wanted to stay the night in my room. Of course, I said yes and allowed him to cuddle. We ended up falling asleep curled up together.


	6. Just a Bad Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabe’s POV

I smiled and jumped out of bed, I woke up two hours earlier than usual so that I could carry out my plan. I snuck downstairs, careful that I didn't make much noise. Once I got downstairs, I smiled fondly at the kitchen and rushed to grab all the stuff. I opened up the cabinet door under the sink and pulled out my sticky concoction. I needed to make sure I had something sticky enough to make sure everything was decently stuck to everyone. I tried not to giggle while I opened up the pantry door and brought out sugar, edible glitter, and lollipops. 

I ran upstairs to Luc's room first and set up the trap. I spread lines all over his room to make sure that I could get Luc good. Once I was done, I left him his own little treat. I snickered as I snuck off to Balthy and Sam's room. I set up some sugar bombs for them to wake up to along with a chopped rotten fish in the curtain pole. They'd never find it there and it would take them a while to realize what was hiding in their room. I ran back over to the kitchen and I made sure to neatly place all of the stink bombs that would take a bit to be set off.  
I ran back up the stairs and into Zach and Raph's room. I snuck in very quietly not wanting to wake them up. I set up glitter bombs and stuck some marbles under their mattress where they couldn't move. I laughed as I watched them squirm uncontrollably in bed. I ran back out and that's when I heard it, the high pitched scream.   
"GABE!" Luc yelled  
"YOUR HIGHNESS!" I screamed back.  
"GET YOUR SUGAR LOVING ASS BACK OVER HERE!" Luc's yells woke everyone up and before I knew it, I was being chased down the stairs.  
"Get over it!" I yelled as I dodged their punches and pillows.  
"HAIL TO THE KING BABY!" Luc screamed as he ran right at me.   
I dodged over to the side and watched amused when he rammed into the wall. His anger now turning to rage. I could practically see the steam coming out of his ears as his head turned to look at me. I bolted up the stairs, down the hall, and into Sammy's room.  
"Sammy help!" I screamed and jumped onto him, not long after I crawled under him.  
"He's the devil incarnate!" Luc yelled.  
"That's rich coming from you!" I replied, I reached my arms out and grabbed Luc.  
"Stop it! You're going to leave a mark!" Luc pushed my hand off and I rolled off the bed and out the door, leaving Luc in the room.   
I ran into a room and back out to see Sammy standing there. I looked him dead in the eye as we silently decided to make a run for it. We ran down the stairs and into the kitchen for a quick morning snack. We ran out the front door, I was thankful to see that Cas and Dean were waiting outside in the oh so amazing '67 Chevy Impala.   
In the car, I told Sammy about how I dyed the water fountain water different colors and the locker room shower water pink. I also told him about how I had already planned the set up of a hot glue system on the chairs that I still needed to do. I continued to talk about more of the pranks to make sure he didn't accidentally walk into one and if he ever wanted to he could help me out.   
Once we stopped in front of school, we ran out of the car and to class. The day went by like any other and I had plenty of kids screaming at me. Their bright blue, green, pink, red, and yellow faces were making it impossible for me to take them seriously. Some kids got stuck to their chairs and others found fake cockroaches in their bags. The day was wonderful and I laughed more and more while people fell into my traps. Luc and Balthy teased me for bringing 8 bars of chocolate and other candy but I didn't care much because they had no idea what they're missing out on.   
Once school was out, I ran out the doors to find my Sammy waiting. I ran over and gave him a big hug.   
"Sasquatch!" I yelled while hugging him tightly.  
"Gabe, y-you're suffocating me," Sammy said between coughs.  
"Sorry Sammich!" I let go of Sammy.   
We talked and waited a bit for Cas to come out, when he did I looked over at Sammy. Cas although he looked the same, you could see it in his eyes.   
"Rough day?" Sammy asked Cas.   
"You could say that," Cas silently rolled his eyes and my attention span failed me.  
I looked around at the trees and such before turning my attention back to the conversation only to find my eyes settle on Cas' arm. I looked wide-eyes at Sammy and he did the same. Before we could question Cas, he ran off. After that, Dean picked us up and we rushed over to our house. We got in and started baking and cooking making a mess out of the kitchen. I laughed when Gadreel got home and saw the mess. I ran over and pulled him into a hug thankful for him being home. Although most might not cherish him, I do.   
Afterwards, I went upstairs to take a nap and watch some television. I popped on my bed and popped a sucker in my mouth. I smiled while scrolling through my phone and looking at pictures of Sammy instead. My eyelids began to feel heavy and soon sleep consumed me.  
I ran through the dark alley and chased after Sammy. I smiled when I caught up to him but the person I caught up to wasn't my Sammy. His eyes were black and his soul was dark, maybe even gone. His laughter echoed off the walls and he screamed as he sang. I slowly approached him and tried telling him that I loved him and that he should come back to me. But it was too late, Sammy jumped down and into a long ditch that looked like it would never end. I screamed and sobbed wondering why I never told him that I loved him.  
I woke up drenched in sweat and filled with fear. I immediately got up and went to Sammy's room and asked him if I could fall asleep with him. I curled up next to him and held him tight as I fell asleep yet again.


	7. Bee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel POV

I woke up early the next morning and did the usual, I walked into the bathroom, turned on the water, grabbed a towel and some clothes, and hopped in. I sighed once I felt the ice-cold water hit my bare back, the feeling although stung a bit, felt good. I grabbed the shampoo and worked it into my hair, letting it foam up before I rinsed it off and began to work my way through my hair with the conditioner. I almost considered skipping the body wash, but once I got a whiff of my underarms, I decided against that idea. I slathered it on my body and rinsed it off, allowing the conditioner some time to do its job. Once I finished, I brushed my hands through my hair a few times before deciding to rinse off. I hopped out of the shower and momentarily forgot where I had placed my towel. My body trembled vigorously thanks to the freezing cold air conditioning that was now, for some reason, on. Once I found my towel behind the small and empty trash can in the restroom, I wrapped myself in it, thankful for the warmth it provided. I started getting dressed and looked at myself in the mirror as I did so.   
I was shocked to see that although I did look decent, I looked slightly pale and ill. I brushed off the thought and blamed it on the light that Dean had apparently replaced earlier that day. Halfway through getting dressed, I heard a loud thud and rushed out of the restroom. Instead of finding a burglar or a fallen table, I found Lisa pushed up against a wall with Dean brushing against her. His lips neared her and they fell into a lust-filled makeout session. I shuddered and ran back into the bathroom. I closed my eyes wanting that image to get out of my head as I quickly threw the rest of my clothes on. Once I had, I rushed out of the bathroom door and made a beeline straight towards the door. I could hear Dean yelling for me but before I could make my way out of the door, I felt something slam into me.   
I wheezed under the sudden pressure and impact. I could feel the soft yet cold carpet as it brushed against my face. I closed my eyes and imagined that it was Dean's skin brushing up against me. I smiled and wondered if that was how Lisa felt when Dean was lovey-dovey towards her. Suddenly, I realized that although I was alone in my thoughts, Dean and Lisa were still there and soon it didn't feel like the carpet was brushing up against me anymore. The time that had slowed suddenly began to speed up and I felt myself being dragged on the carpet. The bristles scraping up against my face. I wondered what I had done wrong now and before I could remember that I wasn't at school and that it most likely wasn't Crowley and his gang, I was being thrown at a wall. I caught my balance just in time to see Dean push Naomi away. I could hear her yelling insults and words that I had moved away just for the sole purpose of never hearing again.   
Dean shoved Naomi out the door and I could hear Lisa struggling to stifle her laughter. Dean gave her a look that showed disappointment with a mix of anger and confusion. Once Lisa had realized that Dean had noticed her, she pretended to look at her phone and that something funny was on the screen. Dean shot me an apologetic look before giving Lisa a kiss goodnight and offering to walk her to her car. Lisa, of course, accepted and stole another kiss from Dean before they made their way out the door.   
When Dean came back, I was curled up on the couch and watching a recorded episode from a show Dean and I watched together. It made me happy to think that Dean had cared enough to record the episode so that we could both watch it together for the first time instead of just watching it without me. I fought back the urge to smile once I saw him walk through the front door, normally Dean and I watch the episode when it airs but that means that we have to sit through ads and that was just no fun.   
"Hey Bee," Dean said.   
"Hey Squirrel," I replied blankly.   
"You're not going to ask?" Dean asked, clearly disappointed.  
"Ask what?" I questioned, pretending to not know what he was talking about. Normally, Dean calls me Angel or Giraffe. Crowley had come up with the nickname giraffe and Dean had thought nothing of it. At first, it hurt that Crowley was teasing me and making fun of me, but once Dean started using the name and used it lovingly- for the most part- I liked it. I never really liked giving Crowley the satisfaction of knowing his words had an impact on me.   
"Why I called you Bee today," Dean smiled up at me and I couldn't help but return the smile. His beautiful freckles were dazzling in the room.   
"Because I like bees and you know that?" I smiled up at him and watched the way his arms moved by his side when he walked over. His brown hair looked as good as always and his eyes lit up the room. I knew that I was mildly upset at his girlfriend and my sister, at that moment though, I didn't care. Dean meant a lot to me and sometimes I felt ashamed that I had fallen for him but anyone else would have to. Dean is simply perfect and I absolutely love him.   
"Bingo!" Dean cried out happily as he plopped down next to me. He unfolded the blanket on the couch and spread it on us. I looked up at him and asked him if he wanted me to start the episode from the beginning, he just shook his head and said that it's only been a few minutes into the episode anyways. We sat in comfortable silence as we watched the movie. Before I knew it, I let myself drift into sleep.   
"Wake up! You're so lazy!" Dean screeched as he hit me with a pillow.  
I jolted away and wondered what time it was. I looked around panicked, wondering if it was already morning and time to get ready for school. Dean smirked at me, amused. 

"What?!" I hit him with a pillow wondering what had him so amused. "Don't we have school to get ready for? Are we late? Oh, please don't let me be late."   
"Calm your tits, it's only eleven at night. You fell asleep and I didn't want to wake you," my heart melted when those words came out of his mouth but I reminded myself not to fall into temptation. I might have feelings for Dean, but he doesn't feel that way towards me and I sure don't want to risk our friendship.  
"Hey, Cas? I just wanna tell you that I'm sorry," Dean said regretfully.   
"For?" I wondered what in the world Dean would ever have to be sorry for, stealing my heart?   
"For lying to you, keeping secrets from you, being rude to you, all of it," Dean's gaze drifted to the ground.   
"Hey," I placed my finger under his chin and used it to make him look at me, "you don't ever have to be sorry with me. I love you no matter what. Don't you ever go saying sorry to me."   
"Okay."   
I laid back down on the couch and set my alarm. This time, I let myself fall asleep, and for good this time. Time to get ready for another day in hell.


	8. Sometimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas POV

Sometimes, it's not about the words. Sometimes, it's not about how you can express yourself with a few carefully picked remarks. It's about the choices you make, the things you change. Sometimes, it's about trying. Sometimes, it's about doing good on your word. No one deserves pain or suffering. No one deserves to feel like they do either. But changing that mentality takes time, it takes time to realize your own worth. But others can see that worth, others can see what an amazing person you are. Sometimes, others can see it and they use it to their advantage. Sometimes people use you, sometimes people play you. Sometimes they say sorry and promise it won't happen again but it does. Words aren't everything, actions are. The changes made are what matters. What matters is how you show you care not how you state you care. What matters is proving that a person matters to you not telling them. What matters is trying to help the other person and realizing when you've gone too far. If you can see that you're hurting the person you love, then it means you don't care enough to try to. If you don't take it seriously when the person tells you something, it means you aren't as close as expected. If you can't respect it when someone tells you to stop or pause for a moment, then that person, that person deserves someone who loves them. If you can't make good on your words, promises, and responsibilities, then it means that you need to fix some things. But if someone can't fix those things, that means they don't care enough to. If someone is doing all those things to you, then maybe you give them a chance. You give them a chance because everyone deserves a chance. You give them a chance because everyone wants to feel loved. You give them a chance because you love them. You don't give them a chance because you feel like you have to. You don't give them a chance because you feel like you deserve the pain. Because guess what, you don't deserve the pain. No one deserves pain. If you gave that person a chance, or two, or three, or maybe even some more, and they still haven't made good on their promises, then you should rethink your approach. If the person truly loved you, they wouldn't want to hurt you, they wouldn't want to cause you pain, they would want to change. But if that person did not change and continued to harm you, you should relook your things. If that person can't respect you and love you and treat you right then that person was never made for you. No one deserves pain and no one should think that they do either, but no one should cause others pain either. You may love that person and you may have a good connection with them, but is that connection truly as close as you thought? Does that person truly care about you as much as you do? Are you with that person because they care or because you feel it is your duty to be there? Sorry doesn't change things. You could say sorry to someone and not mean it. You could say sorry to someone and mean it but soon you've said it so much and that person has tolerated you so much that the words that were once meant to be a promise is now just a regular thing. Sorry might seem to be a strong word and it can be but it's not always accurate, people don't always make good on their words. Sometimes, it's about showing people you care, proving it to them. Sometimes it's about making sacrifices for those people because you care about them. If that person isn't willing or simply can't make that sacrifice then honey, you deserve better. You might love a person but sometimes it's not about that love. Sometimes it's about you. No one deserves pain and no one deserves to be unhappy. You should love yourself and others. If you aren't good as a person, then you take that time for yourself to make yourself a better person because darn it, you are worth it. Sometimes, you have to give people time to change themselves before you can let them in. Sometimes you have to do it for yourself and for them.

"Dean," my voice cracked as I struggled to speak. I wanted to tell Dean that I was going to move out. I just couldn't handle the visits with Lisa and the plans that kept getting canceled. I wanted my best friend back and it was at this moment that I wish I never figured out in the first place. Maybe if I didn't, Dean would still be close to me. Maybe, Dean would still hang out with me like we did before. It wasn't that we were growing apart but it was that he was spending less and less time with me and more and more time with her. When she wasn't here, we spent our time together, we baked, we played, we laughed, and joked. Although it was fun when we did get our time together, I just wish it could be like before. Maybe I was being selfish but a week had passed and I was getting exhausted. I was tired of Lisa coming over constantly and acting like she owned the place.   
"Hey, is everything okay?" Dean looked into my eyes clearly concerned. I felt my legs grow weak and my head started hurting. I started getting dizzy and sick to my stomach and almost backed out. What if this was what was going to split us apart? What if this was going to drive us apart?   
"Hey, I need to talk to you," I said, snapping myself out of my thoughts and back into the real world.   
"Sure, what's up?" Dean replied, his shoulders slumped. I could tell he was expecting the worst now and although that might've been true, I was sure that he wasn't expecting what was going to come out of my mouth.   
"I love you and you know that. You have been an amazing friend to me and I care about you deeply. You are an amazing and outgoing person and I am so lucky to have you in my life," I took a deep breath before continuing, "but I do need some time for myself and I know you could probably use some time alone too. At least some time away from me anyways. You could have this place to yourself and I know Lisa has been coming over a lot. You could probably give her my room is y'all aren't ready and/or devoted to sleeping in the bed every single night. You could probably give the room to Sammy and Adam as an alternative. I know you love your brothers and probably want to spend time with them. You could get them a bunk bed or just steal one from my house-"   
"Cas, I don't want you to go and this is your house. This is your home," Dean cut me off.   
"I know but-"  
"No buts, you're staying right where you are."   
And that's what happened. I decided to stay right where I am because for me, it's impossible to say no to Dean. I loved Dean and more than he expected. I wanted to tell him more than anything how I feel but I couldn't risk it. Even if there was only the smallest possibility that Dean would stop being friends with me and cut me out of his life, I wouldn't take it. I don't want to risk it. I love him too much to lose him. I love him more than myself.


	9. Brownies and a bit of Raisins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean POV

I woke up in the morning and went to make breakfast. I assumed that Cas was grumpy about how I was distancing myself from him so I could spend time with my girlfriend. It's not like it mattered much anyways, Cas is only my friend. Nothing more, nothing less, and it never would be. I kissed Lisa's forehead as I left her sleeping body, striding over to the kitchen. Cas had awoken earlier on too and though I would never admit it out loud, I wanted to make breakfast for him too.  
I grabbed some chocolate, butter, sugar, vanilla extract, eggs, and flour so that I could make brownies for Cas. I began to mix all the dry ingredients together and then the wet ones. Soon, I began to combine the two together to make the finishing batter. I threw some raisins in because Sammy is always telling me I should try eating healthier. Once that was over with, I popped it in the oven for a good 25 minutes or more and went to go eat. Cas walked out of the shower, towel around his waist, hair all wet and messy, he walked down the hall and towards his room. Before I could change my mind, I called out to him.  
"Hey Cas!" I said soft enough not to wake Lisa but loud enough for him to hear.  
He turned around quickly and hopefully, eager to hear something but I wasn't sure what. He almost hid his hopefully grin, almost. He looked amazing, I wish I could have just gone over there and love him but I can't.  
"Wanna come join me?" I smiled up at him eagerly.  
"Sure," he chuckled as he made his way over.  
He walked over and his bare feet smacked against the floor as water spattered out around him. He smiled nervously as he approached and pulled out his chair. He sat down and I continued staring at him, a little too obviously. Cas cleared his throat and I quickly retreated my gaze. I wonder if Cas is cold... My eyes skim over the room trying to find the thermostat. It was at a decent temperature but I still couldn't help but worry.  
He ate the brownies greedily and the entire time I couldn't stop slipping in glances of him. I missed him and all the time we spent together but I have a girlfriend and I'm most definitely not headed down that path, at least not today.  
Once Cas finished he got up and collected his things for the day. He ran out of our apartment and I could hear the sound of his footsteps getting fainter as he ran down the hall. I wondered where he was off in a rush to. I didn't care much and I just continued to eat.  
Lisa awoke not much later, she got out of bed and joined me. She sat in the same spot as Cas and I simply stared at her wishing that it was Cas instead.  
Once we finished eating, I grabbed the dishes and wished her a good day as she made her way to our room to grab her belongings. I turned on the faucet and began washing the dishes. Once I finished, I realized that I forgot to give Cas the rest of the raisin brownies I had made for him. I thought about it for a few minutes and finally decided that I would try to find Cas and drop off the brownies as an excuse to see him. I know I probably don't need an excuse but it would be nice anyways. I run back to my room and grab some clothes for the day. Grabbing the usual outfit consisting of jeans, flannel, a shirt, and leather jacket. I adjusted the samulet, a necklace Sam gave to me when we were younger for Christmas, and made my way to the door. I grabbed the keys and headed out.  
*possible trigger*  
I ran around town trying to find Cas but I couldn't. I ran and I ran and I ran looking everywhere. My fears began growing and before I knew it I was panicking. What if something happens or what if something already did happen. I've been so caught up in myself and all my self-loathing and pity that I forgot about Cas. All the problems he has- all the things he faces, what if he's tired? What if he finally gave up and can't keep going. What if I broke him enough. I never got to tell him. What if I never get to tell him. My panic begins to sky rocket and I'm running around like a lunatic going in and out of every shop, every alley, every street, every park, everywhere.  
I stopped by the area near the bridge and took a deep breath. This was the final place Cas could be and I really hope he's not here. If he isn't here he might just be at someone's house that I haven't checked or out of town for an errand. I walked through all the trees making sure to check everywhere and go inspect everything that moved. I finally arrived at the bridge where the fast water ran under and took a deep breath as I approached. I found Cas seated on a blanket by the side of the water. He had a basket next to him and I slowly approached him. As I got closer, I could see that he was crying.  
"Cas?" I said just above a whisper.  
His head whipped around to try and see who had called out to him. I smiled once he looked up at me and I could see his body relax a bit before it tensed up some more. He quickly whipped away his tears and hid his face in his hands.  
"Yes?" I could barely hear his voice through the muffled fabric that was by his mouth. Oh, don't even get me started about his mouth...  
"Are you okay?" I slowly neared him and was shocked once I got close enough to see him. I took a step back and tripped over a rock. I could hear Cas approaching me but I was so angry and scared and I just didn't know how to handle how I was feeling. Suddenly, it wasn't Cas approaching me anymore, it was Dad. My mind swirled, thoughts were coming in at a thousand miles per hour, heart racing, blood pumping. I trembled as I thought about all the bad things he has done to me--all the bad things he could still do to me. Instead of being understanding and taking a moment to think, I threw a rock at him.


	10. Fists and Sandwiches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel POV

I woke up in the morning and did my usual morning routine. I walked out of the shower and towards my room but Dean called me before I could get there.   
"Hey, Cas!" I heard Dean say barely loud enough for me to hear.   
I turned around rather quickly and tried to hide my grin. Maybe Dean wanted to hang out or spend some more time with me. Maybe Dean finally broke it off with Lisa, maybe Dean liked me back, maybe Dean had a surprise or something important to tell me. I knew it was silly but I still have hope.   
"Wanna come join me?" Dean smiled up eagerly at me and I couldn't help the words that came out of my mouth.   
"Sure," I smiled up at him and made my way over.  
I walked over and felt the floor brush against my feet as the dripping water splattered everywhere. I smiled up at Dean nervously and pulled out a chair on the right side of the table. I sat down and looked up at Dean. I could see him staring at me but I didn't really care. I cleared my throat and his gaze left me. I could see his eyes dart around the room and I wondered what he was searching for. I looked at him confused when I saw his eyes settle on the thermostat but thankfully he didn't seem to notice.   
I ate the brownies thankful for them and the effort that Dean must've put in to making them. They were just how I liked them and I enjoyed feeling the warm goo pour into my mouth with the delightful mix of chewy raisins. It was neither too gooey nor too soild or chewy. Once I finished up, I grabbed my things and ran out the door eager to get away from Dean. I loved spending time with him but I really didn't need a reminder of how much I missed him or what a great person he truly was when he wasn't hiding behind the mask.   
*Trigger warning*  
When Dean was younger, he spent more time with his dad and Sammy. His dad struggled with the sad truth that Dean's mother had passed away and took his anger and sadness out on Dean. He drank till he couldn't walk and beat Dean senseless . Dean never liked to admit it and always thought of his Dad in a good way but deep down inside he knew the sad truth. When Dean tried opening up to people they never believed him and thought he was searching for attention. Although John might be an abusive drunk, he was always kind near others. He was an amazing manipulator and knew exactly how to turn people against each other, including his son.   
Dean was beat at one of his old schools for coming out as bi and after that, his dad figured it out and sent him to a mental hospital and to get treated. He came back and said that he was straight and realized it was just a phase. After that, I tried talking to him about it but he just said that he was young and stupid and didn't know what it meant to be bisexual. His dad beat him some more and paid some schoolmates to knock some sense into him as a reminder. The principal figured out Dean was getting bullied but when he realized what for, he decided Dean didn't deserve to go to that school and kicked him out. Dean and I moved school together because I didn't want to go to a school with a homophobic teacher. Once I moved, everyone else decided to move too.   
After that, Dean's dad got busy and left to go travel around for his work or whatever. Dean, Adam, and Sam decided to move in with us and of course John decided that would be for the best so that Chuck could keep an eye on them. Dean decided that he couldn't live with the constant reminder that his father was trying to dictate his life and although my life was better than his, I was abused too. Not just at school but at home too, I was an easy target and most of my siblings didn't know and the rest were in on it. I decided to move with Dean and although Dean can be cold, he's just scared his past is going to catch up to him and that it will all be the same. He is scared that people will bully him for who he is or what happened to him so instead of standing up for himself, he decided that he wanted to try and fit in. There is more to the story but it is best left for another day.   
*End of trigger warning*  
I went to a nearby coffee shop and sat down at my usual spot. The waitress came over and smiled at me leaving me my usual. I came by here so much that they already knew me and what I wanted. I handed her forty dollars and smiled giving her a thumbs up when she dropped half of the change into the tips jar and the other half into the charity jar. They all knew that's what I enjoyed doing instead of receiving the money back and sometimes some were still wary of doing it. So instead of looking at me oddly and giving me back my money, they simply deducted the little money that the food and drinks cost and left the rest for the tips/charity jar.   
I smiled and drank my drink ,saving my food for someone else considering I had already eaten enough. I gave them a quick thank you and hugged them goodbye before walking out. I walked down a block or two before finding a homeless man on the side of the road begging for whatever charity a person could offer. I approached him and gave him a kind hello before offering him my food. His bright smile warmed my heart as his enthusiasm took over and he eagerly said yes. He took my food while thanking me and I took off my sweater which I chose to wear under my trench coat today. Thankfully, I always carried an extra pair of jeans in the hidden pocket inside my trench coat after a pranking incident with Sam and Gabe occured. I handed him my sweater and jeans and fiddled through the inside of my pockets before finally finding a comb and a bunch of tiny portable unused mouthwash that I used when I wanted to get out of the house quickly. I handed him them and sat down when he started the conversation, grateful for all that I had done for him. He was a kind man, I learned that he had lost his job and his girlfriend had recently left him so he had no one left to help him. His mother had passed away a few years before and his father left when he was younger. He has been homeless for a while now and was grateful for someone willing to talk to him and help him out. I chatted with him for a while before promising to come back the next day. I left and walked towards the library feeling happy that I could help someone again. I normally gave people in need some food and whatever else I could.   
My extra clothes and hygiene products habits were from when I had to leave the house to get away from whatever was going on but I liked to carry them around regardless now to in case the chance to help someone else ever came across.   
I turned a corner into an alley to get some peace and quiet and immediately regretted that. There, standing in front of me, was Crowley and his group. I tried back back away and run but before I knew it, they were on me.   
*TRIGGER WARNING*  
"Want a fist-sandwich?"   
That was the last thing I heard before it started.  
Once it was over, I ran to a bridge near the edge of town. I went to a nearby store and bought some stuff to have a picnic. I sat down at the edge and thought about my life and what it's really worth. I picked myself off the ground and lunged off the edge. I could feel the impact against my body and I knew that I had broken a few ribs but it didn't do anything so I picked myself up and walked back to the dry shore. I grabbed the blanket frustrated and began to tie it on the tree so that I could be done with life once and for all. I got up and hung myself but the knot undid itself and I just landed hard on the floor. I screamed frustrated about how much of a failure I am, I couldn't even finish the job correctly. I laid down the blanket and placed everything back on it. I angrily thudded my fists against the ground and could feel the sharp pain from the beating, the lunge, and the failed hanging. It all felt so horrible. I was horrible.   
I could hear some leaves rustling but I brushed it off and assumed that it was just the animals running through the trees. I sat down on the blanket by the side of the water. I burst out crying wondering why I was such a disappointment that I couldn't even keep my best friend from successfully finishing myself off. I was about to pick up a PB&J sandwich when I heard a voice.  
"Cas?" I heard a voice say just above a whisper.  
My head whipped around to try and see who was calling out, scared that it was Crowley. I relaxed once I realized it was Dean, until I realized he could see my crying and all my bruises and cuts and everything in between. I quickly whipped my tears and hid my face.   
"Yes?" I called out.  
"Are you okay?" I could hear him slowly near me. He took a step back and suddenly tripped over a rock. I ran over to him to make sure he was okay while saying sorry and trying to explain but the words couldn't come out. Once I got over, I saw him pick up the rock and suddenly the world went black.  
*end of trigger*


	11. Ribs and Steak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel POV

I woke up and my vision was blurry and the bright lights shining in my face weren't helping. I could feel the sharp pain rushing through my body but the thing that worried me most was the fact that I couldn't feel certain parts of my body. I tried lifting myself up but my actions were contradicted by the sheer pain that rushed through my body. The pain hurt so bad and immediately caused my pain to evolve into a panic. I could hear footsteps rushing towards me and before I knew it my hand was being held. My vision slowly cleared and I felt a hand gently brush the hair out of my eyes. I looked up to see Dean staring back at me, his eyes were clouded with sorrow and guilt. I smiled up at him fighting back the pain that it caused.   
"Thirsty?" Dean asked.  
All I could do was look at him because I didn't want to inflict more pain than the pain that I was already going through. I just looked at Dean deep in his eyes hoping that he would understand that I'm thirsty. I loved his green eyes. They're so amazing... their electric green tints blended in nicely with the warm hug of a leaf green ring. The tiny veins stretching out, reaching for what they could, spread out like tiny claws searching for their way out but in such a manner that it was calming. His beautiful pupils fit subtly with the luscious green. There were some hints of brown but just enough to make your heart melt. It reminded me of a soft caramel glaze, melted ever so softly into my heart.   
I was snapped out of my, erm... thoughts? Dean's arm reached over to the table next to me and the sudden movement had caught my attention. He seemed to be reaching for a cup but I couldn't see very well considering I didn't want to move. He lifted the cup up to my mouth and helped me drink. I could feel a very tense pain and that's how I knew I indeed had broken a few ribs. I could hear the faint and muffled noise of a phone ringing and it took me a while to realize it was Dean's. I watched him sadly as he walked over to his phone, it was most likely Lisa and that means he would have to go.   
"It's just Lisa," Dean stated before turning off the ringer on his phone.   
I looked at him confused and astonished. Just Lisa? I thought Lisa mattered to him more than I do. I wondered if maybe, just maybe, there was a possibility Dean did have feelings for me. My thoughts rushed back to when he was younger and how he thought- or so he claims- that he was bi. Maybe he truly is but the sad truth is consuming him and terrifying him because of his father. I looked back up at him and at this moment, that's when I knew, I loved Dean Winchester. There was no doubt about it, most people in the books fall in love right away but this... no this wasn't right away, this took time. We started as friends and the feelings and longings soon evolved to more. I just wonder if Dean feels the same, if he has that same longing, that same attraction, that pull that I have. Dean walked over to his spot on the chair and pulled out a box from underneath. Inside I could smell the gracious smell of food. He opened it up to reveal a delicious steak. I knew I wanted to eat it and I knew how much it would hurt but right now I just wanted to sit down and eat with Dean dammit! I just want to know he cares, just a little bit...  
I heard the door squeak open and turned to find a nurse walk in. Her focus was centered on a paper attached to a clipboard, she viciously clicked her pen as she read through it all. Her gaze slowly drifted up and to me, her mouth dropped open for just a moment before collecting herself. She seemed shocked and surprised to find that I had awoken. Soon, I saw that look wiped right off her face. She ushered Dean out with his stuff and whispered something in his ear that made him stop in his tracks. His eyes quickly darted my direction before he was pushed out the door. I didn't notice it at first, but now that Dean was gone I could hear it loud and clear, the monitor line was shaky and it sounded awfully close to going flat.   
I could hear footsteps running down the hall but no matter how fast they ran none of them matched the pace my mind was going and none of them no matter how slow could match the slowing rate of my heart. I took in a shaky breath. I could feel my body become overwhelmed by exhaustion but I knew I had to keep fighting. Time seemed like it was slowing, the footsteps sounded faint and distant, the speed they were going at felt much slower than it really was. I could hear the ticks of the clock slowly passing by. The ticks grew louder and louder within each one. Although I knew I had to keep fighting, my mind was telling me otherwise. Although I knew I was not alone, every inch of my thought process was telling me otherwise. Perhaps, Dean would be happier this way. He loves Lisa after all, what harm could it do? Just giving in to the blissful peace, the beautiful empty. Dean has Lisa and Gabe has Sam, everyone else can figure themselves out. They don't need me. It'll be alright, I'm just a problem for them anyways, they wouldn't care if I'm broken but they wouldn't want me that way either. With those thoughts, I could feel the ticks suddenly get faster and louder and the noise was so unbearable I felt like my ears would explode. I could feel the ticks like a person could feel their heart in the pit of their stomach except I couldn't feel my heart as much as I wish I could. I could hear the footsteps getting closer. My vision grew weaker as my eyes began to flutter shut. I could see the door get pushed open and Dean fighting with doctors and security trying to push his way in.  
"I LOVE YOU CASTIEL NOVAK!"   
And those were the last words I heard for a very long time.


	12. Cupcakes and Murder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DEAN POV

*possibly triggering chapter*  
I sat down in the waiting room, I knew the nurse would come out any minute but it was all taking so long. After I was pushed out of the room, all my mind could do was think of the worst outcomes. What if he doesn't get better? I never got a chance to make him mine. I never got a chance to tell him how much I truly cared. I always just pushed him away and refused to believe for a second that he could ever love me. Face it, no one could ever love me, I'm a good for nothing boy toy. I just wanted Cas to be happy and find someone he could truly love. Hell, maybe he would make a family and finish college or whatever. I just wanted the best for him and now it might just be the worst. Sam and Gabe came over and as much as I wanted them to be okay, I don't know how to help them. I wanted to help, I truly did but now... I'm not even sure how they can be okay if I'm not okay... Whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I don't like what I see anymore... I- I'm a monster. I'm crashing down and I don't know what to do. I think I'm losing my mind and I don't know how to pull myself back up. My mind is racing but my body is slowing. My will to go on is decreasing every second I spend waiting. I know it hasn't been long but I will wait my whole life for him.   
"Dean Winchester," the nurse looked around the room, "you may come in."   
I sprang out of my seat and straightened my shirt a bit. I wanted to look my best for Cas. I miss Cas, I've missed him so much. Once I was sure that I looked alright, I pranced over to the nurse. She smiled once she saw me and grabbed my arm to lead the way. I wonder if all nurses grab a person's arm. Before we got to Cas' door, her hand slowly started to move higher up my arm. I pushed her hand off and frowned down on her. I want to see my Cas and make sure he's okay.   
"Sorry, but I don't swing that way, I'm gay."  
The nurse was taken aback and it took me a while to process what I had just said. I could feel my face start to flush a bright shade of red and tried to hide my embarrassment by pushing open Cas' door but knowing my luck, it was a pull not push door. The nurse awkwardly opened the door and escorted me in.   
When I walked in, I was taken by surprise. Cas wasn't awake and he didn't look any better than before, if anything he looked worse. I looked over at the nurse with a concerned face and her face quickly went from embarrassment to pity.   
"Oh... Cas, your boyfriend I presume, isn't doing very good," she paused before continuing, "let's just say he might not wake up."  
"W-what?"   
I was heartbroken and hurt. Was this all my fault? Was I going to go to jail? What's going to happen? Can we even afford this? I hadn't realized at first but I had started to cry and the nurse silently slipped out of the room. I looked up at Cas in desperate need of his comfort and love and attention. I hope he would forgive me, I wasn't thinking, I remembered when my dad would approach me that way and I-  
"Cas, baby, please wake up. I love you," I took a shaky deep breath before continuing, "I love you so much. You're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I know I always pushed you away and you're so stubborn that you always stayed by myself. That's one of my favorite things about you. You stay by my side when I don't want to stay by my side. You've loved me when I've hated myself. You've always been there for me through my ups and downs. I love you Cas and I know I'm probably never going to get to talk to you again. I just want you to know you mean the world to me. I fell into your love and I got lost in it. I was too blind to see how much you truly meant to me. Now, you're gone and I'm stranded. I don't have my shield to guard me and I don't have myself held together. I lost the greatest thing to ever have happened to me. I lost the reason for my heart to keep beating. Now it's just there, empty and without purpose but it keeps on beating. That's the worst part, it keeps on beating but without purpose it beats without meaning. It remembers what it was like to have meaning and purpose and a reason to continue but it no longer knows how to feel. It no longer has a reason to. Now it goes on, but it goes on without meaning. I've lost the best part of me. Now it's my fault that you're gone and I have no right to tell you how much I miss you. I have no right to tell you that I'm sorry or that I want you to come back. I could cry and try and pray and crave for you to come back but in the end, it wouldn't do any good. It was my fault any of this happened. It's all..."  
My voice trailed off and I sat in my thoughts. This was all my fault. Why did my heart deserve to go on and my eyes deserve to see but he wasn't able to. How come I was allowed to continue on with my life but he wasn't. Maybe, I'm the reason he can't come back. Maybe, I'm keeping him from waking up. Maybe, he's scared to wake up. Because. Of. Me.  
I got up from the floor I had collapsed on earlier and walked towards Cas. He looked so peaceful and so adorable but he might not wake up, all because of me. Maybe it's best if I'm not here anymore.  
"D-de... Dean?" I heard Cas whisper.  
"Cas!?" I lunged onto Cas and hugged him tight but pulled back when he went into a fit of coughing and groaning in pain.   
"Oh, Dean!" Cas squealed but before he could say anything else I kissed him.  
"Dean?" Cas looked at me confused and I started to trace his cuts and bruises.   
I circled my finger around a bruise under Cas' lip and I could tell Cas was trying to process it all. Before he could object, I quickly grabbed some ointment and bandages from the cabinet and started cleaning him up a bit. Although the nurses were trying, Cas wasn't in the best shape and they had to act quickly. That meant they didn't have time to worry about small cuts or anything.  
"Bee," I begin, "I know you heal fast and all, but I hate seeing you in pain. It eats at me. I care about you too much to see you suffer."   
"Dean?"   
"Yes Cas?"  
"I love you"  
"I love you too, my bee"  
I wrapped my arms around Cas and pulled him closer to me. I love him so much and I wish we could always be this way. Cas looked up at me and I loved the way his eyes twinkled in the dim light. He gave me life and suddenly, I had meaning again. I leaned down to kiss him again but before I could, Crowley burst through the doors. I didn't bother looking up but instead I rubbed Cas' back and went to go grab my jacket for him.   
"Castiel freaking Novak," Crowley sneered, "guess they job wasn't done right?"  
"D-Dean get out of here," Cas muttered.  
"What the hell is going on?" I pushed.  
Crowley looked around and his eyes went wide when they settled on me. He shifted around and he immediately shoved his hands in his pockets. I got up from the floor and handed my jacket to Cas so he could be warm.   
"I said, what the hell is going on?"   
"Umm... nothing, just a misunderstanding," Crowley tried to convince me.  
Before he could get away, I pushed him through the door and shut it behind him. I closed the curtain around us and shoved Crowley down to the floor. If he hurt my Bee I would make sure he would never do that ever again.   
"Bee, did Crowley hurt you?" I looked up at Cas sadly.   
Before he could answer, I looked over to Crowley signing threats at him and that answered my question. I threw a fist at Crowley and gave Cas a little kiss and my headphones with classic rock playing before I threw another fist at Crowley. I grabbed the lamp and went to throw it at his face and that's when I woke up.   
I looked around at my surroundings and realized I had fallen asleep on the couch in my- mine and Cas' apartment. I hadn't heard anything from the hospital and I still don't know what happened once I got pushed out. All I know is that I heard it loud and clear and I made sure to get my final words through to Cas. I hope he heard them. I miss him.   
"Babe! I made you cupcakes," Lisa called from the kitchen.   
"Great..." I grumbled before making my way to the kitchen.   
I bet Cas' cupcakes would taste better than her's.


	13. Love you always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel POV

As much as I love you Dean, I think this would be my end. I'm sorry I never got to tell you just how much I love you. I'm sorry I never told you that it's my fault. All of it. How you grew up. How horrible everyone was to you. It was all my fault. I know your dad was cruel and people bullied you and everything but I'm the one that spilled the beans. I'm the one that told everyone one was a drunken abuser. I'm the one that told everyone you're- or at least you thought you were- bisexual. I'm the one that screwed up your life and I think deep down inside you know that. I think that's why when I moved with you to the next school you didn't question it. Everyone always made jokes that I was your little puppy. When people talked to me they always said I was your friend. It was never the other way around. You were never my friend. I was your friend. That's how everyone saw it. You have seen a lot- more than a kid ever should- growing up. You've been through a lot and I know it's been hell. I'm sorry your life turned into hell because of me. I loved you and I always have. When I first met you, I looked up at you and thought you were like the sky. You weren't the sun but you were more. You were the sun, the clouds, the moon, the stars, all of it. You had your ups and downs just like the clouds. You had your bright times where you shined like the sun. You had your quiet days like the moon. You were just my everything and yet my nothing all at once. I didn't know at first- that I love you- I didn't realize it. I thought I just admired you- that I wanted to be you. I looked up to you and did everything you did but then I realized I didn't want to be you, I wanted to be with you. That's when everything changed. I think... I think that's when I started to distance myself from you. It was never you. You didn't push me away. I pushed you away and it hurt you like hell. I could see it in your eyes, I could read you like the sky. The clouds were coming in and they were dark and the load was suddenly too much for them. The water started pouring out and the sky was dark and the moon barley shined through. The sun wasn't visible during the day and it seemed like things were never going to clear up. Then, I talked to you again, and the skies cleared up just enough to have a rainbow shine through- I think that's when your world changed. 

You shined bright but the clouds were still there and the rain was still drizzling down. You wanted to let me back in but you didn't know if I would hurt you again. Your walls went up and although I knew you loved me you started to close yourself off. I could see you forcing yourself to blend in with others and it hurt me more than it did you. You thought you were doing both of us a favor by distancing yourself. You thought that if I couldn't hurt you that you couldn't hurt me but that's where we were both wrong. It hurt you and me and it hurt us bad. I fell deeper into my problems and so did you. We both fell down a long and dark hole that never seemed to end. The days were bright but they still seemed dark. It was like a mask for the sad truth, it was still raining. I didn't want it to keep raining and neither did you but no matter how much we willed it to stop, it didn't. We both screwed up and we got so lost in our problems that suddenly the fog started to roll in and we didn't notice it until it was too late and we had lost ourselves. We both lost our ways and we didn't know which way was forward or which way was back. If I could go back and fix it all I would've. I would go back and make it all better. I don't care if that means you never had to meet me because if you were happier that way and you had a better life that way then, it would be worth it. I love you more than the Earth loves the moon. I love you more than a mother loves her child. I love you more than anyone can imagine- than I could've ever imagined. If this is how it's going to end then that's alright because in the end, you'll find yourself. Perhaps, you'll be happier without me. You'll learn to love yourself and then you can work on loving others. You're always getting pushed down but no one seems to acknowledge how much easier it is to let yourself fall than it is to rise up. Have you ever realized that the words apart and a part are basically the same, the only distinction between them is the space. Isn't that ironic? I find it ironic. There is always more to a person than what you see on the outside, sometimes you think you can see what's on the inside but you're mistaken.

The world is not black and white and when you come to think about it, what even is the world? What would water look like without any color? What would water look like without any surroundings? If you put water in a pink container the water will appear pink until you pour it out and suddenly the surroundings have changed its appearance but what would it look like alone? I have so many questions and yet so little answers. What is love? What is a lover without someone to love? What truly is beauty? When you come to think about it more and more questions continue to pile up but I can tell you something, without you, I am nothing. Please stay strong if I am gone. Remember that even the strongest winds die down and even the brightest flames go out. The thing about flames is that they can start back up again. It can go out but you can always start another. Please keep the flame going when I am gone and remember to spread that warmth with others. You may think your life is simply one out of billions but your life is worth billions and you serve a purpose. I love you. Shine bright. Love you always.


	14. Gabe and the Sourdough Dive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean POV

My lips were pressed together as I nervously chewed on my superior labial frenulum - the thin tissue sheet under the top lip that somewhat connects with the gums - and waited in the waiting room. I missed Cas already and just wanted to tell him how much I missed him. This wait was killing me. It’s been such a long time at home with Lisa and as much as I love her, she’s just a mask to cover up the sad truth, I’m in love with Cas.  
I doubt Cas likes me back and that’s why I can’t tell him. He would hate me. Leave me. He would ridicule me and expose me to the world. I love Cas and I can’t risk losing him. But I just did. It’s all my fault. Today, I’m waiting for Cas. It’s a Friday and I just got out of school. Sam decided to head with Gabe to some diner for grub- I hope Adam got to go with them.   
Sometimes, I forget what Adam’s baseball schedule is. I know Sammy is working on getting into the football team and I know it would be good for him. He’s so caught up in his studies that I am not sure how he will map out his time. They’re both smart kids and I love them so I know they’ll be fine with or without me but I really hope that they’ll be able to move in with Cas and me soon.   
Anyways, as I was saying, I’m waiting out in the waiting room to see what’s up with Cas. No one has told me anything about what’s been up with him recently and his Dad says it’s best I don’t. Today, I had a good talk with Chuck and he said that I can visit him but I have to prepare myself. I’m not even sure if that means he’s dead or alive but I’m nervous and terrified. The nurses keep looking at me with pity and lots of empathetic looks are being thrown my way. I’m not sure why but they seem sad for me; I feel almost as if they know who I am.   
The phone let out a loud ring and the receptionist at the table answered it. She looked around with sympathetic looks flooding her face. She kept letting out mhmm and grunts. Once the call ended, she turned to some of the staff and spoke with them urgently. One of them stood up and began to speak.  
“Dean Winchester, there’s been a delay in your visit and I’m sorry to have to say this but you’re going to have to return another day. We are doing our best right now but we’ve mixed up our schedule slightly and we are all bruised up. With our staff making room in the morgue and others are busy with cleaning. We have our doctors occupied with surgeries and assisting. There’s more but I would hate to waste your time with the details. Perhaps, you could come back at another time. I know it seems harsh but we are being very careful with this one.”   
What? This can’t be happening! My brain was flooded with thoughts and concerns. Is cas okay? Did I do something wrong? Did he ask not to see me? Is he dead? Is he alive? My head started hurting and my vision started to get blurry. Suddenly, I felt very dizzy and on the verge of fainting.   
“Dean Winchester?”  
“Yes?” I couldn’t recognize my own voice for a moment. It came out pained and thick with sorrow.   
“May I escort you to your vehicle?”   
The woman was very polite. I looked her up and down. She had dark brown hair and beautiful eyes. It felt blissful while I was near her and like everything was going to be okay. I smiled up at her and kindly accepted. I don’t know if it’s because Cas being gone broke me or what happened. Next thing I know, we are outside and walking to the car. Everything seemed so calm and still.   
We got to Baby and I opened the door for her. She got in gracefully and it wasn’t until I saw a picture of Cas on my sun visor when I pulled it down. That’s when I snapped out of the trance and kindly told her to get out of the car.   
“Thank you for walking me over to my car but it’s best I get on my way home. My girlfriend is worried sick about me,” I smiled up sweetly at her.  
Her expression went from calm to shocked and immediately upset. She grabbed her phone and quickly got out of the car, slamming Baby's door in the process.   
“Just remember that when you come looking around for me, we will always help each other.”   
I rolled my eyes once she was gone and wondered what in the world I was thinking. I have Ca- I mean Lisa to worry about.   
I grab the keys from my pockets and shove them in to start the engine. It roars to life and soon we are at home. I plop out of Baby and into the building, straight for the door. Midway through pulling the door open, I looked up to witness Gabe midway through just having jumped off the couch and landed on the floor for absolutely no reason. Once I pulled it completely open, I found Sam and Gabe inside. How did they get in?   
“Hey guys!”   
“Hey Deano!”  
“Hi Dean.”  
“Golly Sammy, way to show you love me.”   
I pouted at Sammy, not even making a face close enough to make his puppy eyes.   
“I’m going to stay here with Gabe tonight in Cas’ room.”   
“Alrighty. Do whatever it is you kids do.”   
“Dean- you know what never mind.”  
Sam grumbled as he walked away. He grabbed Gabe’s arm and yanked him off the floor. I watched as the poor kid got dragged to Sam’s room. He seemed pretty content as he sucked on his sucker and Sam averted to grabbing his leg instead. I chuckled to myself as I watched them go into Cas’ room.   
I sat down on the couch and a sudden realization hit me. We are paying for rent at some not so crummy - but still - apartment when we could be at my dad’s. I almost forgot that place still existed.   
When dad left, he didn’t completely leave and pack his bags. He’s just gone most of the time and didn’t have time to take care of us. He hoped that the Novak family could take us in and keep him updated while disciplining us. Things didn’t work out that way and as it turns out, Chuck didn’t agree with my dad’s way of doing things. Chuck says that whenever John has the sudden realization that he has kids hit every once in a while, he just tells him that things are going well and the kids are behaving. Dad not being here doesn’t necessarily mean the house isn’t there. We still own the house and dad is well off with money he just never bothered sending any. I guess he was just too occupied.   
Oh my gosh, Bee and I can move in together. We can have our own home without having to pay for much and Sam, Adam, and Gabe can move in too! I smiled happily thinking about Cas and how much I missed him. Soon, that smile was whipped off my face when I realized I don’t know what’s happening with Cas or if he’s even alive for that matter.   
“Sam! Gabe! I’m gonna stop by Dad’s!”  
“Okay Dean. We will be here! Be safe,” Sammy was silent for a bit until the realization hit him, “oh! Be careful! Are you planning on moving in there?”  
“Yea, I was thinking about it with you and Gabe. Cas too if he’s even...”   
“Oh… bye.”   
That was all Sam said before I left that house on this wonderful friday evening. I didn’t bother taking Baby. I walked instead, it gave me some time to think about Cas and Lisa and what I wanted to do with my life. In the end, I decided that I might love Lisa but I love Cas more and he makes me happier. Screw it if the whole world is against us. I’m gonna love Cas and be with him till the day I… But what if he’s gone. My thoughts came flooding back and soon I was running.  
I stopped in front of the house. It was big and painted while. It was kept clean and the lawn was starting to decay but it was still the bright green I knew it to be. I walked up to the steps and pulled out one of my copies of the keys to the house. Sam and I both got two copies once dad left and we had some backups made and others hidden in case too. I went to put the key in but that’s when I realized it, dad’s car.   
*TW*  
My anxiety levels skyrocketed. Before I could turn back, the door swung open and low and behold, dad. He was standing there and behind him I could see that he’s been drinking. He grabbed me by the collar and pulled me inside.   
“Dean! Where have you been! Boy! I’m talking to you! I come home today and I hear that you ain’t been staying with the Novak’s. At least your brother can listen to me! That kid is a good kid unlike you and I am sick and tired of your bull..”  
His voice trailed off and he started directly behind me. I tilted my head and cracked it back to see that someone was standing outside. They were walking their dog and stopped out of curiosity to observe that was going on. Dad immediately closed the door, angrier this time.   
“I’m sorry. Cas got into an accident. Sam and Adam are both staying at the Novak’s. I didn’t want to be a problem, sir. I was just trying to get out of their hair and I was going to pack my stuff and move back in here with Sammy and Adam so that we could be right by the Novak household without causing a problem,” I ranted and felt as if words were coming out far too fast. It felt like I was going 100 per minute.   
That’s when the first punch came.


	15. Beer Bottle Glass and Harsh Lived Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean POV

The punches came hard and steady. From what I could tell, the first one hit me in the face and the rest just went on. I woke up to a small puddle of blood that was very slowly growing with the amount of blood trickling out of my mouth. I spat most of the blood in my mouth up and tried to get up. A sharp sensation knocked me back down and I heard a groan escape my lips as I hit the ground.  
When I found some sense of thought and feeling, I was aware of how much my body hurt and how scared I was. I slowly got off the ground pushing myself up. My hands, painfully cutting open with the sharp shards of glass on the floor. My body trembled with the effort and soon enough I was able to drag myself across the floor. I don’t know how long I’ve been out or where dad went but I don’t want to figure that out the hard way.   
As I began to look around at my surroundings I realized that I was at home. Not home home with Cas. I was home, with dad, with memories, and at the moment, nothing but the floor to keep me company. I looked at the counter remembering the time with Hester.   
*flashback*  
I sat on Baby, he black paint shining in the light. Baby’s as gorgeous as any car could get except she was that and more. She wasn’t just a car and everyone knew that. I hopped off the hood and went home. The lights lining the street were just bright enough to help guide me to my house without tripping over a bush. I grabbed my key and opened the door to the sight of Hester by the refrigerator. She seemed jolly as ever to see me and I have no idea how she even got in here.   
“Hey babe!”   
I don’t remember all the details of how we got together but I know I was happy as hell to have her. She always was bright and had a smile on her face. Her bright smile turned into a devilish grin as she approached me. Her hips swing side to side and her hair wrapped around her finger as she twirls it. She looked happy but up to no good.   
“So, I heard your dad’s going to be gone for a few days if not a week. Said he was going to be out doing a job but that he would be back to see me. I talked to him some more and he said I could stay the night if I wanted. Of course, I said yes. Now…” she used her spare hand to make a motion as if she was showing the entire room, “we have this all to ourselves.”   
Oh no. I love Hester, she is my girlfriend after all, I just… I never expected this to happen. I wanted to wait till I found the right person, the right time, the right mood. My breath hitches and I nervously make my way around her and to the counter. I could feel my hands sweating and I urged myself to pull myself together and be a man- like dad would want me to.   
“Hester, I-”   
It was too late. Her lips smashed against mine as she pinned me up against the counter. Her body slowly closing in on the space between us and I could feel her tongue trying to break through. As much as I wanted to make my dad proud, this isn’t how I wanted to do that. Not yet anyways. I tried to reach up to push her back but her hands swiftly grabbed a hold of my arms and she held me down.   
Hester wasn’t like most of the other girls I’ve dated. She might not seem it but she’s strong and has got looks to have a boy falling head over heels for her. She was smart and flirty and kind and caring, any boy would be lucky to have her.   
Right now, I did not feel very lucky, however. Most boys would be floating because of this, ready for their deepest desires to come true. Me, I wasn’t very joyous about this whole thing. I didn’t want her to explore every inch of my body, I didn’t want her to violate me, I didn’t want that. I was alright with the cuddles and kisses and late night calls. This? This was all just far too much for me and my mind to handle.  
I stood there unable to move and unable to show any sign of emotion. I didn’t know how to react or how to feel about it all and it took me a while to process. Once I finally realized what was all going on, I tried pushing her way. Instead, she took that as an invitation to put me on the counter. She quickly moved her grip from my arms to my crotch. She lifted up too far and it hurt like hell. She continued to raise her hand until there was no escape but going up.   
I hopped up on the counter and tried to dive off as an escape but she was swift as a cheetah and was on top of me before I could say Castiel. She grinded her body up against mine and after a while she forgot to keep her grip on me. I took that moment to push her off and send her out the door. I threw her over my shoulder and grabbed her purse making sure to scan her for any keys before leaving her outside. I locked the door and fell to the ground crying.   
I could never tell dad, I already know what he would say, “you’re not a man,” “a true man would never do that” and so much more. I fell over and burst into a fit of laughter. It’s good that I finally got rid of her. She was abusive anyways. I never told Sammy or Dad because it wouldn’t make me “manly” and I couldn’t bear that thought. I can’t let anyone in ever again.   
*End Flashback*  
I let out a sigh of relief thankful that Dad was gone. I dragged myself across the floor to get close enough to the door so I could crawl out. I looked up at the sky and saw the stars shining bright. I wondered when I would be able to come out of this hell hole, have Cas in my arms, have a family, kids, a nice home, decent jobs… I adjusted my eyes just in time to see a shooting star go by. I watched it go by as I spilled all my deepest darkest desires.   
Not long later, I heard the familiar and all too beautiful rumbling of Baby. I looked up to see Sammy in the driver's seat. I would have growled at him to get out had I not been in the situation I was in; instead I nodded my head at him and watched as he got out.   
Sammy seemed to understand as his long legs seemed to skip to the passenger’s seat. He left my door- the driver’s side- open and ready for me to come take over. I dragged myself up high enough with the support of a nearby street light and wobbled over to my rightful spot. I shut the door in perfect sync with Sammy and drove off. We got to a gas station to fill up Baby and Sammy needed to take a leak.  
I walked inside to pay the clerk for the gas on number 9 but instead of a person, there was a machine. I crooked my head as I looked at the damn thing. How the hell am I supposed to use this? I reached into my pocket and grabbed a credit card. My friend had hacked it earlier on for me so I wouldn’t have to go around worrying much about money but I still prefer not to use it much. I’d rather work hard to earn my things, however, sometimes it gets hard and I have to do what I have to do to survive.   
I shoved the credit card into the sloth of the machine and pressed the number nine. It asked me questions like what type of gas I wanted and how many gallons and all that crap. I just clicked the buttons and it printed out a receipt. I tried pulling the card out but no matter how hard I tried the damn thing wouldn’t budge. I went to Baby and popped the trunk open allowing myself to have a perfect view of her storage unit. I grabbed the key and shoved it in the slot so I could grab a knife. As paranoid as I am, I kept looking over at the machine to make sure no one was nearby to steal my - not so- hard earned credit card.   
Once I grabbed a hunting knife, I went over and quickly flicked the blade in and out allowing the machine to loosen its grip on my card. The plastic eating machine finally let it go after a few hard tugs. I made a hmph noise on my way back to number 9 and shoved the pump into Baby. Giving her only the best for the best.   
I hopped in the car and waited for her to finish up guzzling down her well earned juice. Once I heard the soft click indicating that it was done, I got out and finished her up. Getting back into Baby was great and I turned the key starting her up so I could get her near Sammy and ready to go. I hit the gas as I did a 180 in order to try to get the right direction when I heard a thump. I looked into my rear view and realized that I hit something large. Perhaps a shelf or something?   
I got out to check and realized that I hit Sammy. Though he is a tough one, I still don’t want to risk anything. I’ll just take him to the hospital and we can clear the rest up later. Sammy shot back up into the air with an “I’m alright!” but that didn’t work for me and he was going to sit his ass down on that hospital bed and get checked even if that meant sedating him to do so.   
I pulled back on Baby and heard her roar turn into an intoxicating purr as she was brought to life. We sped off to the hospital, the whole time Sammy was complaining about how he was alright and I was just going to end up adding to the pile of bills to pay.   
Once I pulled up to the entrance of the hospital, I pulled Sammy out of the car and flung him over my shoulder. I ran in and the nurse seemed to get the idea and called the doctors. They pulled him up on what seemed to be a portable bed and took him away. My legs seemed to give up from underneath me and I collapsed. I could feel my head hit the table as I fell towards the left where the reception table was. My head collided with the hard wood and then with the checkered blue and white floor. I could hear a child yell and a nurse screamed but I’m not entirely sure why. Why did this keep happening to me? My vision blurred and I fought to stay awake this time. My eyes flickering open and closed. I could feel a pair of sturdy hands grab onto me and lay me down on something soft and with a ramp.   
They led me towards a room and so far I was winning the battle to stay awake. I could see them opening the door and up until now I hadn’t realized that my head was gushing out blood. I could feel the warmth of the sticky liquid. The doctors held my head up and began to get to work. I heard them say something about the risks that come with putting me down without it happening naturally are too high. They grabbed needles and metal things I’ll never be able to name. They poked me and sewed me together. They used some sucky thing that looked somewhat like what a dentist used to get rid of some of the blood. I passed out before I could continue observing what they were doing and as I did I heard one of them say it was about time.   
I woke up in a room and I’m not quite sure where I am. I can see some turquoise looking curtains surrounding me, preventing me from observing too much. There was a heart monitor attached to me as well as an IV. I could see a chair or two by the side of my bed and a table yet again filled with things I can’t or don’t know how to recall the name of. Fluids I’ve never seen before were placed strategically on the tray. I looked at the light blue hospital walls and back at the familiar floor. Have I seen a room like this before? This is all too familiar. Fuck. Too bad I can’t see with these curtains.   
I used the other senses in me to see what I could make out of this room. I heard an unsteady heart monitor to the left of myself that was accompanied with a raspy and uneven breath. To the right I heard a decently steady heart monitor, the person seemed to be sound asleep. From the sound of it, they were pretty banged up and in pain.   
I could hear the noise of what sounded like air conditioning and the faint volume of a television. The person listening seemed to struggle with their breathing and whenever they seemed to move they would let out a grunt of pain, sometimes even a quiet yet high pitched yell. It seemed as if they didn’t want to draw much attention to themselves and didn’t want to bother the nurses and doctors. Once I heard them let out a muffled scream, I looked down and pushed the call for assistance button. I really hope the poor dude is alright.   
I could hear fast paced footsteps as they approached my room and swung the curtain slightly open. The people around me had theirs up too so I couldn’t see who it was.   
“What do you need Mr. Winchester?”   
“Um, the person next to me? They let out a scream but I think they were trying to cover it up with a blanket or something,” I grumbled as I fidgeted with the wiring.  
“Oh, thank you,” she flattened out her hospital attire and walked to the person on my right.  
“Wrong side,” I yelled soft but loud enough for her to hear.   
I could hear her footsteps as she shuffled to the other side. Her dark hair flowed as she rushed to the other side. She seemed confident as she walked to the other side. I got a quick glance at her name tag and read the name Meg.   
“Hey, Clarence! How’s my favorite patient doing?”   
“I don’t know… and I still don’t know who Clarence is. I don’t understand that reference.”  
“You’re adorable. Would it kill you to watch a movie? Read a book?” Meg sighed. I could hear her clank tiny bottles together, most likely like the fluids on my tray. An audible pop was heard and then a groan. I could hear her undo something, sounded an awful lot like bandages and tape but I kept my mouth shut and listened. I wonder if Meg and the man are together, perhaps married? No, there wasn’t a ring. Maybe they’re just a couple. Suddenly, I got very uncomfortable, wondering if I was interrupting something.   
“A movie no, but a book with the proper spells could theoretically kill me,” the man joked. His voice sounded all too familiar but I’m too out of it to try and figure out why.   
I rested my head against the not - so - cushiony pillow. I miss Cas. Maybe, now that I’m here, I can go visit him. I smiled to myself thinking about Cas and how much I missed him. Maybe I could finally hold him in my arms, tell him how I feel, kiss him until the end of time. I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard the sound of the now proved couple kissing. I shifted uncomfortably in my bed wondering if that would ever be Bee and me. Oh my Jack, I miss him.   
Soon, the curtains of my eyes closed and I fell asleep leaving those two love birds to discuss little things the man was clearly clueless to. Just like my Cas. Not not mine- yet.  
I woke up and saw that Meg was by the foot of my bed. She seemed to be sweeping the floors and making sure everything was nice and neat.   
“Hey,” I spoke up catching her attention, “can I head over to the restroom or am I strictly stuck on this bed?”  
She chuckled and shook her head with a grin spread on her face.   
“Of course you can. Just get up and do your thing but be careful not to open any of the stitches and stuff. I’m sure you're a big boy so you can do your thing.”   
I smiled at her and removed almost all the needles and all the dangly things attached to me. I grabbed onto the IV pole for support and dragged it with me to the restroom. Before I left I got to take a quick look around the room and on my way to the bathroom I realized that the person to my right is Sammy. I smiled, observing how he had his ear plugs in and was most likely listening to a documentary. His eyes were clothes and his hair was messily surrounding his head. He took in leveled breaths and let them out peacefully. I could tell that he had some broken or fractured bones and from the looks of it his arm was broken. He seemed peaceful and that was good enough for me.   
I glanced back curiously eyeing at the curtains surrounding the mystery man. I continued on my way to the restroom and had a difficult time getting the door to open with my limping leg. Meg stifled her laugh as she came over and helped me push the door open. The inside of the bathroom was much different from the room.   
The bathroom has smooth white walls and a soft blue materialed floor. It seemed to have padding to it but also had a grip so you wouldn’t slip, like shower mats. It hadn’t been until now that I realized I was barefoot. There were three toilets: a low toilet, a changing toilet, and a high toilet. Now, I’ll tell you why I called it a changing toilet. The toilet was short but seemed to be adjustable in height.   
Next to it, there seemed to be a cot of sorts. I’m not quite sure what its purpose is but it seemed very professional. Between the toilet and the cot there was an adjustable wall curtain- I’m not entirely sure what it’s called. The hard and bouncy fabric was blue and the pipes that kept it all together were white. It was folded up at the moment and reminded me of a gymnastic mat.   
The sink was white and medium sized. There were handles and each side for hot and cold and a button on the top that said start/stop to get the water going. It was motion activated as well but I guess some people don’t want to put up with it assuming that you’re done. There was also a motion pad for the temperature where you simply move your hand up and down directly in front of it to adjust the temperature. The higher you went, the warmer it would go and vise versa. There was a stool underneath it in case anyone needed a boost to reach. On either side of it there was a way to dry your hands. To the left of the sink, there was a hand dryer and it had levels on the side that determined how hard/cold you wanted the air to come out. The dispenser also had motion activated adjustments and other buttons I wouldn’t want to complicate my life with. To the right, there was a paper towel dispenser. The paper towels were purple and I was worried that perhaps they would dye my hands purple. Above the sink, there’s a soap dispenser that’s motion activated, however, if you decided you didn’t want to wait for it to catch onto your motion there was a button to press for it to simply squirt out.   
There was a small trash can with two sides to it, one said recycling and had a list of what you could throw in and another had the same except with the garbage. Above the trash can, there was a medium sized box with a lid to it labeled Hazardous along with a list of things that you had to put in there instead of the trash can. The trash can seemed to be motion activated although it did have little pedals to push on so you could open it up. The hazardous box, however, did not have a motion activated sensor. Instead, you had to do it manually, pulling down a lever on its side.   
Above the entire room, there was a machine for people that needed help standing up and/or that would help guide you along the way and stabilize as you walked. If you were going to fall or needed a little rest, it would hold you up. The restroom seemed to be decently open and spacey. I smiled as I thought about how well planned this restroom seemed to be. There were a few other things that I had no idea what the use was for but instead of analyzing them, I did what I needed to do.   
I quickly used the restroom and realized that the toilets had two options. One of the options being that you could pick up a remote (that seemed to have a wrapping around it that got disposed of and replaced after each use by the nurses) and a push of a button would help clean you instead of using toilet paper. There were many different buttons and options and things I would most likely never understand. From what I could tell in the remote, it used water instead of toilet paper. No thank you. Not trying that today.   
The other option being that there was a roll of toilet paper that I could grab either by activating the motion sensor or pulling on a lever. Perhaps, they did this to keep the toilet tissue clean and disinfected. I decided on the toilet paper and waved my hand in front of it. It gave me what seemed to be too little toilet paper and I was about to go for more but settled on trying it out. Turns out, it was just enough.   
When it was time to wash my hands, I almost settled on going for the hand sanitizer that was on both doors- one on the left and one on the right. The doors automatically sensed when there was motion inside and locked as well as the lights turning on up until the door opened and closed again and they didn’t sense motion, then they would turn off. As long as the door didn’t open again from when I walked inside and the motion was sensed inside at the beginning for at least 15 seconds, the door would stay locked and the lights would stay on. In case anyone did not trust this, there were light switches and a button to lock the door. The door has a little square on the side of it that would allow the door to open with motion if it sensed enough. For example, if you waved your hand in front of it for 5 seconds, it would open up automatically. There was also a button next to it that you could press for it to open automatically as well. If you didn’t like any of these options, you could just open and close the door with the handles.   
I decided on washing my hands, I pushed the button on top of the sink and adjusted the temperature using the motion sensor. I lifted my hands until it said 85° F and used that temperature to wash my hands. Once I was done, I simply tapped the button again and it turned off. I went to the blow dryer and decided to test my luck with it. I put the temperature near the middle and the air ¾ to as strong as it could go. I ignored all the other buttons, not wanting to complicate it all too much. I waved my hand underneath it and watched as the air came out just right . I moved my hands in and out slowly as instructed and realized that I’ve been doing it all wrong the entire time. Once I was done, I waved my hands in front of the motion detector for the door and it opened up outwards instead of inwards. This bathroom was really smart. I walked out and noticed as the door shut and the lights turned off.   
I walked to my bed and realized that the curtains to the mystery man were open. I let curiosity consume the best of me and stole a quick glance. I gasped when I saw that sitting right next to my bed there was the man that I loved more than anyone in this world, Cas. His gaze flickered my way and his eyes widened before he closed them and shook his head. It was a few seconds before he opened them again and realized I was right there. Wait, does this mean Cas has a girlfriend???  
I shuffled over to my bed and opened up my curtains, no longer wanting them closed. For a moment, I let the confusion overwhelm me before I closed my eyes and did the same. When I opened them, Cas was still there. He shined bright like the stars on a dark and starry night. I knew this boy had won my heart and maybe, just maybe, he would shake the world at his feet and let me have a glimpse of his light.   
CAS P.O.V.   
Little did this boy know that he was my sun.   
DEAN P.O.V.   
I laid back on my bed as my head filled with so many questions and so little answers. So, now this boy can’t be mine?


	16. Cherry Pop Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CASTIEL POV

I groaned as I got up from my bed, last time Dean was here it didn’t end well and I had asked the nurses and my family not to let him in because I didn’t want to let him see me like this. While I was here, I befriended the nurse, her name being Meg. Soon, one thing led to another and though it may seem unprofessional we began to date. She would come over and leave flowers on my desk and wonderful little love letters neatly hidden inside. We would sneak in kisses with one another and sweet talk each other. She would bring up references I did not know and soon enough I loved her. Though I may not love her just as much as I do Dean, she’s what I’ve got and I am grateful to have her. Perhaps, she could be what will allow me to get over my love for Dean Winchester.   
I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that Dean ended up in the hospital. I am not sure why, I am not sure how, and I have no idea how he ended up in my room. Just when I was starting to forget about Dean, he managed to claw his way back into my life, back into my heart, back into my soul. I loved the damn fool so much that just one sight of his smile and I fell in love with him all over again. I know it is wrong to be in love with my best friend and that is exactly why I have to get over it. I have to pretend like I don’t like him that way, like I don’t love him, like I don’t live to see him smile.   
I groaned thinking about how helplessly in love I am with Dean. I’m so lost in my love for him, I’m practically drowning. His green eyes that dazzled in the room, they were filled with love and kindness that made my legs quiver. I would never know if he felt the same way or if it was simply because of our close friendship. I love his chestnut brown hair that was so soft and messy that I could practically imagine holding onto it while I kissed his soft pink lips. His light freckles that were perfectly scattered on his face, if I could I would kiss every one of them. His muscular tones, though a bonus Cas wouldn’t mind if he didn’t have them. I even loved Dean’s sense of style: his denim jacket, his flannel shirts, his soft stubble that fit well with the rest, it all was too much for me. I loved the way he walked, the way he talked, the way he spoke, the way he groaned, I loved everything and anything about him from all his flaws and all his perfections.   
Anyone who knew told me I was helpless, I was so lost in the fact that I loved him that in the beginning I didn’t realize just how much I was hurting myself. Each and every time I would see him with someone else hurt me a billion times over. It felt like a thousand tiny knives were stabbing into my heart, needles twisting and turning in my body, my stomach ached, my head hurt, and I simply didn’t know what to do. The love of my life was suddenly gone with other girls. I don’t know if I should feel happy about this or sad about this. I mean, Dean was happy after all but whenever I see myself in the future I see myself with no one other than the one and only, Dean.   
This time, it’s my turn to try and be happy. It’s finally my turn to try and make a make. Though I won’t be like Dean who simply goes through them like a girl changes her underwear, I’ll at least be able to give it a go. Hell, I’ll finally be able to live my life. It’s going to be hard but I have to learn not to blame myself. It’s not my fault Dean doesn’t like me, it's not my fault he doesn’t love me. I need to take my own feelings into consideration and I’ve been so lost in how others are doing that I’ve forgotten about myself. I’ve been so caught up in loving others that I forgot to love myself. Now that I think about it, I’m not the cause for all this suffering and pain, sure I may be the cause for some of it but not all of it. I need to learn to accept that and stop blaming myself for the things others do because if I continue that it will lead me down a dark and rocky path. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we can’t make others feel something. What matters is that we try and I tried.   
I looked down at the food next to my bed and tried reaching for it, in the process, my grip on the bed slipped and went tumbling off my bed. I groaned as my body hit the floor and I bit my lip harder than I ever thought I could trying to hold back a scream. I could feel the sticky liquid ooze into my mouth and the sound of someone swinging open the curtains.   
“Cas!?” Dean exclaimed, running over and picking me up. He looked into my eyes and I felt guilty for all the concern and worry that clouded his gaze.   
“I’m alright, Dean,” I sighed as he set me back down on the bed and looked up at him in wonder.   
“The hell you are! You just went flying off your bed and you want to tell me that you’re fine! You’re damn lip is bleeding and you’ve got new bruises all over you! They ‘aint all that visible yet but just you wait! Castiel Novak, if you need your food why don’t you just ask me next time,” Dean hollered . I knew he was hurting, I could read him better than anyone else could.   
“Dean,” I brushed my hand across his cheek and made circle motions behind his ear with my thumb, “you don’t have to worry about me. I’m okay I just want you to be okay. I just want you to get better. You matter.”  
I could tell his eyes were starting to water up and he was fighting back tears. I love Dean and I more than anyone else don’t want to see him hurting nor do I want him hurting at all. I brushed my finger quickly by his eye and swiped away the beginning of a tear. He looked into my eyes and leaned in closer to me, that’s when the thing I least expected to happen happened. Dean kissed me, it wasn’t hard or rough, it was soft and gentle. His hands cupped my face and his tongue rubbed against my lip, asking for access. I happily granted him access and soon his tongue was exploring every inch of my mouth. My hands moved up and into his hair as I pulled on it. Soon, Dean got up in the bed next to me and was cuddling with me. I loved this more than anything I’ve ever experienced. When we broke apart, Dean just laid next to me and I heard a familiar voice.   
“Why! You couldn't have waited a week or two!? Now I owe Gabe twenty dollars!” Sam shouted.   
I glanced behind Dean and realized all the curtains were now open except the one by the door, exposing Dean and me to Sammy. I smiled up at Sammy until I realized that he had broken a few bones. I raised my eyebrows at him and looked directly at his wounds.  
“Oh,” Sammy laughed as he pointed to his wounds, “these? Dean hit me with the car. Always knew he was a klutz.”   
“Dean!? You did what!?” I gasped as I looked at Dean.   
“It was an accident! I didn’t want to hit Sammy! Dad finished up with me and I needed to get myself to our home so I could get to a first aid kit. I had some serious gashes and glass chunks in me! I was trying to get away. Went to a gas station, Sammy needed to pee and when I did a 180 to try and turn around I just so happened to hit the moose like a deer,” Dean chuckled, “I thought I hit a shelf.”   
All three of us burst out laughing and Dean had to climb into his bed so he wouldn’t roll on top of me with all his laughter. Just then, Meg strolled in. I completely forgot about Meg and suddenly my eyes widened. I looked at Sam and Dean and they both seemed to have the same expression on their face. We had all completely forgotten about Meg.   
“Hey love! How are you? Is everything alright? I’ve missed you,” Meg walked over and checked my monitors, giving me a kiss on the cheek in the process. She walked over to Sam and Dean’s monitors and did the same, well except the kiss part.   
“Hello, I’m better than ever although my mood may have just dropped. I’m good!” I smiled and she returned the favor.   
“Aw, I’m sorry to hear that, Darling,” Meg turned to look at Dean and then her gaze flickered between me and Dean.  
“I know,” I glanced down, “but not everyday can be a good day and sometimes we have to remember to cherish the littlest things in this world.”   
“That couldn’t have been put better, I’m going to head out and leave you all be. I’ll be back at lunch and Dean?” Meg turned her attention to Dean and he glanced up at her, he still had a bewildered look on his face.   
“Yes?” He looked at Sammy and me as if he were looking for support but then sighed and looked Meg in the eyes.   
“I want to talk to you privately later today, don’t worry it's nothing bad,” Meg smiled and then left, she rushed out the room in a hurry and I glanced towards Dean. He must’ve noticed the confused look on my face but it seemed that he was just as confused. He both turned to look at Sam at the same time, he seemed just as confused as the rest of us and soon we turned into the trio-of-the-confusedos.   
“Welp, that was weird,” Dean said breaking the silence.   
“Weird?” I questioned, “That was more than weird, that was random. So, what did you do?”  
“What did I do? I didn’t do anything!” Dean pouted and looked at Sammy to back him up.   
“I mean, Dean, you can’t exactly say you’re a saint,” Sam laughed.   
“Okay! I have no idea. Maybe it's because of some lady I made out with on accident and told to get out of my car,” Dean questioned.   
“Accident?” Sam asked.   
“Made out?” I pushed.   
“Well, she walked me to my car and got in and then kissed me. Then I told her to get out and sent her out of Baby,” Dean murmured.   
“What about Lisa?” Sam asked.   
“What about her?” Dean looked confused for a moment before the realization struck him.   
“Oh, I have no clue. I mean, I love her, but it's not the same, it’s more of a best friend type love. I don’t even know why I started dating her in the first place. Seemed like a good idea at the moment,” Dean sighed, “now I don’t know how to let her down easy.”   
“Dean, no offense, but you’re being a coward. Just call her up on the phone, ask her over, and toughen up. We are here for you,” I guestered at myself as Sam, “and we will support you and have your back. Good and bad, remember?”   
“Okay, yea. You’re right,” Dean let out a weak smile, “I love you both.”   
“Psh, say it louder I want to hear it again,” Sam said.   
“I LOVE YOU!” Dean shouted and then laughed.   
Sam broke out in a fit of giggles and had to put his hands on his stomach to try and stop himself. You could tell that all that air hurt but he couldn’t stop his fit of laughter and that only made Dean laugh which then caused me to laugh. It was a domino effect that caused us all to laugh. Soon, we realized the reason behind this laughter was because Sam got a video of Dean looking up at the ceiling with a red and bruised up face with wounds, connected to monitors. I was next to him in my bed connected to monitors as well but in the video it looked like I was right next to Dean. When Sam pressed play on the video, Dean screamed I love you and then slumped back and stared pointlessly at his feet until the video stopped. I struggled to contain my laughter and then broke out crying through my laughs because it hurt so much.   
“I. Hate. You. All,” I groaned through the tears of laughter.   
“Aw, c’mon you know you love me, Bee,” Dean smiled.   
“Awe, couples goals! Hashtag Destiel!” Sam shouted and then hit a button on his phone, “This is totally going to make the shippers go crazy.”   
“Shippers?”   
“Destiel?”  
“To answer both of your questions, Charlie and the rest, and Destiel is a combination of your names like Deancas except in this case Castiel comes first,” Sam winked at Dean.   
“Oh. My. Gosh. I will never be able to forget that,” I groaned.   
“C’mon, you know it's true. You wouldn’t like a minute,” Dean joked around.  
“Do you want to test that theory?” I challenged him.   
His face flushed red and suddenly he became a flustered mess.   
“I- I no. Yes. Maybe? No. Yes! What? I don’t know. Help,” Dean stuttered.   
Sam burst out laughing and suddenly his smile turned into a frown.   
“What’s wrong?” I asked him.   
“Gabe, he isn’t here,” Sam looked up at me and just by the sound of his voice I could tell he missed Gabe.   
“Don’t worry! I called him earlier, he said he was on his way,” I smiled thankful that I had decided to call my brother earlier that day.   
“Wait, Dean are you really going to call Lisa?” Sam asked.   
“Yes?” Dean responded.   
“What are you going to do?”   
“I have no idea.”   
That left all three of us sitting in our thoughts as we planned the perfect break up of Dean and Lisa.


	17. Edibles and a Tragic Mess of a Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean POV

This day was harder than most. I didn’t know when the sun was gonna rise back up or when it was going to set. I didn’t know when the night was going to come. I didn’t know when it was going to finish. I didn’t know when the day would come or when the night would shine. I wanted my sun to shine bright for me. I wanted my stars back. I wanted the clouds, and the rainbows, and I wanted rain. I want all of it. But, as it turns out, not all things are as simple as made seem. Though I did find out where my heart lies and where I want all my ends to meet, it’s not that simple. People get hurt easily.  
Much as I love Lisa and as much as I know she loves me, I know it’s not the same. Our hearts don’t love each other the same. Our love doesn’t match. Our commitment isn’t the same, my commitment lies with Cas. I don’t know if she knows that yet or if she is still in denial. I don’t even know if I know it yet. But I do know that I want my rest of my days to be spent with Cas. I want to be able to hold him in my arms, I want to be able to kiss him till the sun don’t shine no more. I want to be able to spend all my time with him until I have my very last breath. I want to grow old with him and get kids.  
I want Cas to know how much he means to me and I have come to a realization that Lisa isn’t for me. Lisa never was for me, I think she was more like a stepping stone, a nudge, to the right path. She showed me that home isn’t where you’re pushed to be. Home isn’t where you’re expected to be. Home is where you make it be. We aren’t just given our home, we have to work for it, we have to earn it, and we have to want it. Cas is my home. Lisa was never my home, she’s what I always thought needed to be my home, she is what I was always expected to be my home, she’s what everyone expected.   
I’m not saying that I don’t love Lisa, I’m not saying that I never did, I know I did. I just didn’t love her how I expected myself to, I didn’t love her how everyone else expected me to, I didn’t even love her how she expected me to. I loved her like I would love a sister. I loved her like I would love my best friend. I loved her like I would love my family. I loved her but not the way I would love my partner. I loved her but not the way I would love him. So, after all this time and all this effort, it’s time for us to end. I know it’s gonna be hard for her, however, I will be here for her if she needs me. I’m not saying it’s not gonna be hard for me either. We both got a lot to work on but her problems are meant for me. Her offers aren’t meant for me. What she’s got to give isn’t meant for me. It’s meant for someone else. I am meant for someone else and that someone else is Cas.   
So, here I am with the two people I love most, Sam, and Cas. I know other people will judge. I’m not saying that I expect it to be all fun and games. I’m not expecting it to be sunshine and rainbows. I know there’s going to be ups and downs. I know there’s going to be good times and bad times. I know there’s gonna be all this hard effort and hard work. I know there’s gonna be crying and scratching and running and crying. I want all of that and more with him now, I want to work it out with him. I want to be able to spend the good times and the bad times with him. Trust me, there will be a lot of good times.   
I turned to my right to face Sam and I saw his long hair brushing against his face. I always wondered what it felt like to have long hair, not that I’ve never had long hair, it’s just… Not really my thing. I flinched and the jabbing pain in my side returned. I knew I had bruises and broken ribs and all this other stuff, just didn’t expect it to catch up with me so fast. That’s why I was still here, monitor attached to me, cast on my leg. I actually had a few casts and sprains and stuff. I had all these weird needles jabbing into my skin, attached to me as if I was some sort of lab rat. I’ve never liked hospitals, always made me feel like I was under a microscope, people looking to see what was wrong with me. It made me feel small, almost weak.   
Sammy looked peaceful and that was all that mattered to me. Well, that and Cas of course. With time I’ll be able to call him my Cas. Yeah, I’ve never been one to wait, but for him, I’ll do just about anything. He was my ice cream in time of need, a time where I need to comfort, someone to depend on. He was a blanket when I was feeling cold and unloved. He was my shield for when I needed someone to help me, someone to be my block. Cas is so much to me, he was the world and yet nothing at once, I don’t know how to explain it. Perhaps, it would be more understandable if I explain to him as air. He’s everything you need, and everything you don’t have all at once. You breathe the air, you need it to survive, you want it, you practically have it every second of every day, sometimes you don’t even have to think about it, other times you’re stuck thinking about it so much you don’t even know how to utilize it. Air, you have, you need, you want, but you don’t want it. No one owns there, at least I don’t know my air yet. But, he was like my hair. I wanted to breathe him in every second of every day, I wanted to have him by my side all the time, my weapon, my shield, my line of defense.   
I smiled, I took in the sight of my younger brother fast asleep on the hospital bed. Watching Sam grow up, it’s been a great experience as his older brother. Always love the kid, he’s smarter than me, better person than me, always knew his morals, how to treat people with respect, how to get people to like him. Man, people practically spilled out his secrets to him. All it took was that one look, those darn puppy eyes could do it. They always do you in, making you want to tell him your deepest darkest secrets. It’s always how it worked. He always knew what he was doing, and he loved it. It hurt my darn heart to see him on that bed, I was all right with knowing that he was with me, that he was safe. I could always keep Sammy safe. I want to be able to do the same for Cas.   
I could hear a consistent rattle on my left side and I crooked my head to see what the fuss was. I smiled when I saw that it was Cas lightly banging his spoon against the metal of the bed. He smiled up at me, compassion and love radiating in his eyes. He looked happy for once, complete even. I was glad that soon, maybe, just maybe, I could be his and he could be mine.   
His raven hair draped perfectly over his head, proofing up an inch just right. It was spiked up and messy in all the right places. Little strands of hair fell over his forehead. I wanted to go over and tuck them back in their place, giving him small little kisses in the process. He looked as if he just woke up, which he did, or as if he just did the dirty.   
“Do you remember the day we first met?” Cas asked me, breaking me out of my thoughts.   
“I remember the day like the stars remember the sun,” I smiled thinking about it all.   
“You had just moved over here with your dad, you were young, wild, careless, and a free spirit. You weren’t afraid to be yourself and always went around speaking your mind. Back then, no one was brave enough to walk up to you but everyone wanted to be your friend. I wanted to be your friend. Before I could go over and introduce myself, you strided right on over, stuck your hand out, and-” Cas spoke, his eyes and mind going to the past.   
“And, I said hello. Told you I’m Dean Winchester and thought you would make a good friend. Mentioned that dad moved into town because we needed to run from our troubles and you never questioned me otherwise,” I smiled fondly.  
“You loved to keep it all a little mystery for me to try and figure out,” Cas mused.   
“Well, what’s life without a little bit of mystery?” I asked him in turn.  
Cas tilted his head before responding, “I guess it would be like riding on a road you know best. The breeze brushing against you face, hair flying in the wind, sun kissing your skin, and a warm smile because you know exactly where it’s going to take you and yet you don’t know at the same time.”  
“All our troubles left in the current of the wind, letting the newfound wave of joy take over,” I added.   
“Exactly,” he paused, “except, without all of that, where is the thrill? The lust to find something new and see where the road takes you. The excitement of not knowing what’s to come but knowing whatever it may be, you’ll never expect it. Where’s the deciding factor of making new decisions and figuring out who you are as a person. You can figure out who you were made to be without trial and error.”   
“Who is to say there has to be an error? What if it all goes smoothly and you’re just blinded with all the light,” I questioned.  
“Well, you must be one lucky person. I’ve waited a long time for someone I thought I couldn’t have. It was all just for me to find out that perhaps if I had spoken up sooner, I could’ve made them realize the same,” he smiled up at me, “it’s not all just fun and games. There are going to be some tough calls to make, you just have to decide if they’re worth it.”   
“Well, you are most definitely worth it. You’re worth so much more than I could ever provide. You are worth more than I could share with you and all that I could offer. You’re worth more than I can provide and hell, even if I can’t give you all that you deserve, I’ll definitely try to make up for everything I can’t provide,” I blew him a kiss and stared at him, admiring all his perfectly perfect imperfections.  
“I remember that day so vividly, you moved in right next door. You were wearing your olive green jacket, it was paired with flannel and a plain shirt, your jeans. You always wear jeans, maybe you should try sweatpants or something, I hear they’re pretty comfortable,” Cas joked.   
“We just moved in from our old home, it wasn’t like we weren’t in the area, we just never really hung out. It’s sad to think our parents got along before we did,” I sigh.   
“Yea, the fire had just happened and,” Cas stopped to look at me and make sure I was okay before he continued, “your mom had just passed.”  
“Yea. I never knew what it meant, no kid my age would,” I took in a deep breath and let it out with a chuckle, “I didn’t know what death meant. I knew mom was gone, I knew she wasn;t going to be back, and I knew it would be a long time before I’d see her again. Heck, I was pretty much alone. Sam was nothing but a baby, not even grown enough to be called a child yet. Dad changed after that, he snapped. I knew he loved mom and I knew he missed her but no matter how much I told myself it wasn’t my fault, I felt like it was. I couldn’t get into that room fast enough, I couldn’t hear it when the man came in, I couldn’t- I… I just couldn’t. I wanted Dad to be better, I used to beg him. That was when it seemed like he cared, one day he just changed. It’s all my fault, at least I think it is. People said I was delusional but I could’ve sworn that when I went into that room, I saw my mom float up. She flew up to that ceiling like she was trying to get to the stars. That’s how I think of it, mom was so pure and so bright. I swear the heavens wanted her so bad, they tried to take her up. I’d rather not think of it like I do in my nightmares. I always dream that a demon did it, locking her in place, burning out the bright light of her beautiful soul with the fires of hell. If mom was in hell… I would want a one-way ticket there when it's my time. The thought of her soul getting lost and trapped here, doomed to walk this earth as nothing but a ghost pains me more. Her soul wandering this earth, watching just how much I continue to mess up, how I continue to let her down. I wish I could live up to her. I wish I could’ve gotten to know her better. I remember her, she was a gorgeous person, kind, bright, peppy, vivid, everything good you could imagine and then some. I remember how she used to sing this one hymn to me, especially when I needed assurance. I remember the melody, the hymn, the lyrics, all of it like a drunk remembers the taste of beer. Do you think mom liked beer, Cas?”   
I looked into his eyes, they gleamed with admiration, with love, with compassion. He followed every word I said and every move I made. His eyes scanning the beat of my lips as they moved. His hands tapping along to the beat of the nervous shake in my leg. His gaze would flicker to my hands before shooting me a stern look. I’ve always had a bad anxious habit of peeling on my skin. Cas knew that and always did his best to remind me that it’s all alright and I need not worry. He reminds me to halt, breath, think, and pause my actions. It was one of the various things I loved about him.   
“I don’t know. Do you think she did?” Cas lifted his eyebrow and pressed his lips together, straightening them out as he thought.  
“I think…” I paused in thought before continuing, “I think that a lot of people seem to like beer, just not like my dad. Dad’s love for beer is different.”  
“Maybe, just maybe, we should try getting your dad to go to a rehab center or get some therapy,” Cas let out a small and hopeful smile, “maybe it could help you guys get closer. It could create a better, safer, kinder environment. You deserve that.”   
“If it makes you happy, we could go over and try to talk to him together once we get out,” I said.   
“You sure you want me to come?” Cas questioned.   
“Positive,” I blew him a kiss.   
His face flushed and he looked down, attempting to hide his face in his hands. He gave up and lifted the blanket up and over his head, hiding himself from me. I pouted, sad to see that his beautiful face was now covered with a blanket.   
“What?” I asked, knowing exactly what I was doing.   
“You’re mean!” Cas groaned before sighing, his blanket rising up and down with every breath he took.   
“Let me see you,” I whined using my baby voice.   
“Why?” Cas squealed, stretching out the y.   
“Because,” I gave him puppy eyes even though his face was covered up, still using my baby voice.   
“Because why?” Cas asked, using his baby voice too now. His hands were now clutching onto the blanket like his life depended on it.   
“Because,” my voice dropped down to a hushed whisper, “I love you, Bee.”   
“You do?” Cas gasped and dropped the blanket. He looked at me like I was the most extraordinary thing in the entire world. His hand brushed through his soft and messy dark hair.   
“Of course I do, my love,” I smiled up at him and fought through the pain as I got up and walked over to his bed. Once I got to him, I brushed the loose strands of hair back and kissed him. It was warm, passionate, soft, and filled with love. I dreamt of this and it was everything and more. I pulled away to look at him and his beautiful rosy cheeks.   
“Together, we are like fire and gasoline,” I paused to give him another quick peck on the lips, “we don’t put each other out but instead we burn brighter together.”   
“I love you too,” Cas smiled as he pulled me back down.   
There was no place I would rather have been at that very moment. All the clouds moved out, the drizzle stopped, the fog rolled away, and it was brighter than ever before. Brighter than ever thought - no ever imagined, before. At that moment, our flames mixed and we became the sun. We became what brightened up each other’s days. We became unstoppable.   
“So,” Cas smiled as he looked down at my arms wrapped around his waist, “what are you going to do about Lisa?”   
Oh. My. Jack. I forgot about Lisa. Oh my gosh! I forgot to call Adam! I lifted my head up from Cas’ chest, careful not to be too rough. I placed a small kiss on his chin before setting my head back down on Cas’ cozy chest. I kissed his warm chest softly.   
“I’ll figure it out, Bee,” I smiled up at him reassuringly.   
“What's the date?” Cas asked.  
“What does it matter?” I looked up at him confused about his sudden question.   
“It's November fifth,” Sam interjected casually, “the day Dean and Cas finally happened.”   
Cas looked at me, he was nothing but smiles and giggles. Sam cheered in the background as he ranted about Gabe and Adam being doubtful with the rest. Sam proceeded to call the Novak family along with Adam. He told them about how he always had hope and how he always knew how it was going to happen. Samandriel laughed, saying that he knew there was some serious tension and was glad he wasn’t crazy. Lucifer shouted gibberish and Uriel pouted along with Baltahzar. They all continued to freak out and more people began to interject. Gabe was very caught up on the fact that he now owed Sam forty dollars.   
Apparently, Adam claims that he always knew it was going to happen someday because apparently he said, “Cas and Dean always seem to save each other instead of me everytime and I always end up sidelined.” I knew he was referring to sports and how we always helped each other out while managing to forget Adam in the process. I struggled to hear every word they were saying considering Sam didn’t bother putting them on speaker. In the act of trying to listen, I almost fell off my bed and Sam in turn, turned on speaker allowing Cas and I to hear.   
“It’s not fair! Sammy! I wanted to beat them! We need to get together then,” Gabe whined.  
“Oh! Don’t pull that with us, Gabe! You’re always saying how someone fluttery eyed you and stuff during class. Don’t go putting false ideas in Sam’s poor little brain!” Ana squealed.   
“Are you saying I’m not smart!?” Sam gasped.  
“No, that’s not what I-” Ana started.  
“GIVE ME THE PHONE! LET ME TALK TO THEM TOO!” Lucifer screamed.   
“What happened to your phone?” Zachariah asked.   
“Raphael, let go!” Naomi yelled.   
“Maybe you should cool it, princess,” Metatron sneered.   
“Someone tell Luc to give me the phone back!” Ana cried from afar.   
“Can you believe that Dean finally realized that Cas is in love with him?” Zach laughed.   
“Cas. Is. What!?” Naomi yelled.   
“CAS IS IN A HOLE NAMED LOVE THAT LUC DIGGED!” Gabe interjected quickly.   
“What the hell? Why- I don’t want to know,” Naomi said, I could envision her shaking her head.   
“Welp, keep the cans in the tin. Wait, that was said wrong. Beans in a can? Worms in the can? Cat in the bag,” Metatron sighed.  
“Castiel Novak,” Gadreel started before an audible thump was heard, “ouch…”   
“You okay, bud?” Ana asked.   
“Yep, I think someone tackled me. Anyways, Cas don’t forget to call Chuck. He was worried about you and wanted to talk. Anyways, I’m going to head out! Bye,” Gadreel finished and hung up before anyone could reply.   
“Hey, is Naomi still on the call?” Gabe asked.   
“Nope, think she hung up a bit ago,” someone else added.   
“Oh, well then, tell Cas and Dean I’m happy for them. They deserved it. Also, Sammy, we’ve got some dinner plans to make,” Gabe hung up and left everyone to pester Sam.   
I looked at Cas and I could tell he seemed just as confused and tired as I did. We both looked at Sam as he happily talked to the rest of the family. I loved seeing Sam happy and now life couldn’t get any better. I have everyone I need and everyone I love right with me. It wasn’t long until Sam hung up and turned to talk to us.   
“So,” Sam said.   
“So,” Cas repeated.   
“So…” I mocked.   
“Anyways,” I broke the silence with the question of the day, “what are we going to do about Lisa?”   
“Oh,” Sam and Cas said at the same time.   
“Yep, couldn’t agree more. Amazing plan,” I laughed.   
“Well, you should call her over and figure the rest out from there,” Sam suggested.   
“Sure, I mean that’s all we’ve got so let us just do that,” I agreed.   
I pulled out my phone and turned it on, allowing it to blow up with all the missed calls and texts from Lisa and school friends. I opened up Lisa’s contact and dialed her number. While it rang, I looked through the texts she had sent me.   
Lisa: Dean?  
Lisa: Dean????  
Lisa: Dean. Dean. Dean. Dean. Dean. Dean. Dean.   
Lisa: Answer me!   
Lisa; You’re so annoying sometimes.   
Lisa: Hello, why weren’t you at school today? You better not be with that friend of yours.   
Lisa: Hello! Answer me! Oh. My. Gosh. Are. You. Stupid?   
Lisa: This is so annoying, you ignorant bitch.   
And the texts went on....  
I stopped reading through them and listened to the ringing of the phone. It lasted about three more rings before she picked up.   
“Hello? Dean?” Lisa questioned.   
“Hey, I’m in the hospital. It’s a long story. You should come over. I’ll text you my location,” I said.  
“Oh my gosh! Are you okay? I’ll be right over. Love you, bye,” Lisa hung up.   
I looked at Sam and raised my eyebrow, wondering if I was doing the right thing in inviting her over. I opened up the texts once more and type in my location along with the room number. I looked at Sam and I looked at Cas, we all had the same looks on our faces. We were ready for this day and have been ready for quite the while. Now, all that was left, was doing the action.   
“You ready, Dean?” Cas asked, clearly worried about me.   
“Never better, Bee,” I responded.   
“Dean?” Cas grabbed my attention.  
“Yes?” I responded.  
“Are you going to tell Lisa? You know about us,” he waved his hands, gesturing to the both of us.  
“What?” I was surprised by his question.  
“You know, us,” he looked down disappointed, “never mind, just forget it.”  
“No! Bee! I’m sorry, Baby,” I gave him puppy eyes as I pleaded for his forgiveness, “I Just didn’t think that part through, took me by surprise. Of course, I will. Everyone deserves to know. I want the world to know I am yours. I want the world to know your mine.”  
“ well, I don’t know about that…” Cas looked at me with a look that said ‘you’re not going to do that’.  
“What?” I faked a gasp, “you don’t believe me?”  
Cas show me a glare and then scoffed, “you would never.”  
“Fine, I won’t then,” I pouted and looked at Sammy Who is now sending me a look that told me I was probably going to regret saying what I just did.  
“Fine,” Cas shuffled around in his bed and called for service.  
Soon, Meg walked into the room. Oh. My. Cas. I looked at Cas and could immediately tell he hadn’t thought that through. We had both been so caught up thinking about stealing me from Lisa, that we forgot about stealing Cas from Meg.  
“Oh my gosh, I forgot,” Cas mouthed at me, turning his head so Sam and I could see.  
“Hey! Cassie,” she walked over, “ what are you guys doing? Erm, Cas? Dean?”   
She had to open the curtain, allowing her to have a view of my arms wrapped around cats. My head on his chest. Her jaw dropped open and I turned to try to scurry off. I was immediately challenged by my broken bones, slight trouble breathing, and a heavy pain. I groaned and Cas pulled me back so I was in his arms are not dangling halfway off the bed.   
“Hey. How are you, Meg?” I asked nervously  
“Dean,” she acknowledged me with a tilt of her head, “lovely day.”  
“Meg, I can explain,” Cas struggled to find his words.  
“Cool it, Clarence. I already knew,” Meg said casually, “I was hoping to talk to Dean about it privately but as you can see that blew up in my face.”  
Cas, Sam, and I sat there dumbfounded.  
“Anyways, I’ll talk to Dean later. It’s alright, Cas. I know you still care and we will keep in contact. Alright?” Meg smiled at Cas, “You have my number, give it to Dean too.”   
Suddenly, I had hoped about talking to Lisa. Meg was very calm and took it well. I knew she was going to go a long way in our lives and be a great friend at that moment.  
“So, what’s up? You called?” Meg looked at Cas’ monitors as she talked and then soon after moved onto Sammy’s and mine.  
“Oh, well…” Cas scratched his neck in embarrassment, “I didn’t actually need anything. Although, we could use some advice.”  
“Advice? With?” Meg looked at Cas and I, throwing us a wink, a devilish grin on her face.  
“No! Not that way!” Cas cried.  
“Well,” Sam smiled, ready to speak, “I have a lot to say. So, get this Meg. Dean didn’t exactly realize what he felt for Cas until it was too late. He already found a girlfriend, Lisa. Lisa and him are still together, however, during this relationship, he found Cas. He tripped and fell so hard, he didn’t realize what he was doing until you rose back up and got a new view. Dean knows Lisa loves him. Dean loves her just not the same way, he loves Cas. So, Lisa may or may not be on her way right now. He needs to find a good way to break things off.”  
“Ooo, I see. Drama, drama, drama, scary llama,” Meg whistled.  
“Hey! We’ve got trouble in these waters,” Cas whined.  
“Okay, so, we are making a break-up plan?” Meg laughed.  
“Yes! Exactly,” Sam smiled, thankful to have a friend.  
“Alright, let’s get to it,” Meg pulled up a chair, “okay. So, tell me more about this Lisa.”  
“Lisa,” Sam repeated, his mind wandering back to old memories.  
“Hey, little casserole over there?” Meg looked at Cas, “you are awfully quiet. Have anything to say?”  
“Lisa, she goes from one guy to the next,” Cas started, “she likes motorcycle guys. She’d hit up just about any guy that walks up to her first at the bar.”  
“Not true!” I interjected.  
“Yes, it is,” Sam stated blankly before continuing for Cas, “Lisa is pretty. Although she's not looking for something permanent, she’s all right in school. She has many friends and is the typical popular girl. She can be nice to those who are of some use to her but you know the gist of it.”   
“Alright, what i’m getting from this is that she’s kind of mean but crappy to you boys,” Meg pointed at Cas and Sam, “that right?”   
“Yes,” Sam and Cas said.  
“Alright, I see,” Meg shot me a disappointed look.  
“She should be here any minute,” Cas reminded us.  
“Okay, so she has what is coming for her,” Meg laughed.  
Just then, there was a knock on the door. Meg’s eyes almost flew out of her head from the surprise.  
“You weren’t kidding when you said any minute,” Meg harshly whispered at the three of us. She got up and opened the door.  
Standing there at the door, was none other than Gabe holding a gift basket, and edibles. In a different hand, he had sweets and papers. His backpack was halfway down his shoulder. He had some flowers in his mouth and piles of paper barely being contained in his arms. He somehow managed to smuggle in Miracle, my dog, in a separate backpack on his back. Bags of food were placed where he could hold them. He rushed in, barely making it in on time to drop most of the papers and baskets onto the table.  
“ you guys have no idea how much work it took me to get all this through!” Gabe exclaimed, panting between each word.   
I let out of breath I did not know I was holding in. Meg sighed, closing the door and sunk back into her chair. Sam rested his back down on his pillow again.  
“You scared the living grace out of me!” Cas yelled.   
“Hey Sasquatch,” Gabe winked at Sam before acknowledging us, “What’s going on?”  
“Dean is breaking up with Lisa,” Meg groaned.  
“She should be here any minute,” I said, mocking Cas.  
“Oh. Oh! This is going to be fun to watch,” Gabe plopped on my bed and shoved a sucker in his mouth.  
“Well, we are making a plan. Want to help?” Cas asked.  
“You bet your angel's blade!” Gabe smiled, lollipop hanging out of his mouth.   
“Okay, so we know she’s on her way right now and we know Dean wants out,” Meg stated.  
“I feel like Dean should talk to her,” Cas said, turning to look at me, “you should talk to her.”  
“Okay, are we going to be in the room during? That’s going to be awkward,” Sam noted, eyeballing Gabe like a kid looks at a piece of candy.   
“Oh yea, it’s not like we can just change your rooms and monitors for a breakup,” Meg said, stating the obvious.  
“Okay, maybe we could just make signs,” Gabe chuckled, “hold them up as she walks through the door.”   
“No! That would be cruel,” Cas objected.  
“I mean…” I shrugged.  
“No, Dean! Shrugging it off isn’t right,” Cas said.  
“Okay fine, I’ll just talk to her,” I groaned, already dreading the conversation that was to come.   
“Thank you,” Cas smiled, clearly pleased by my response.  
Almost as if on cue, Lisa walked right through the doors. She dropped her bag on Meg’s lap, completely ignoring the fact that Meg was sitting there.   
“Hey, what are you all talking about?” Lisa faked a smile as she looked at Sam.  
“Not much, waiting for you,” Sam smiled innocently, knowing what was to come.  
“Oh? All good things I hope,” Lisa shooed Gabe off my bed and took his place.  
“Mhmmm,” Meg said through her teeth, “all good things.”  
“What are you doing with him?” Lisa sneered, motioning towards Cas.  
“Just getting cozy,” I said, pulling the blankets over the both of us.  
“Just getting cozy?” Lisa made a disgusted face.  
“Yes, that’s what he said,” Gabe rolled his eyes behind her.  
“Guys don’t just ‘get cozy’ it’s gross and wrong. It doesn’t matter if they are friends or not,” Lisa said.  
“Well then, I guess it’s a good thing they’re not,” Meg snapped back at her.  
“What?” Lisa looked at us with a disgusted face, “I guess, good for you. I’ve got to go, have a nice life.”   
Lisa got up and walked out the door, leaving all five of us to look at each other wondering if that just happened.  
“Did that really just happen? What happened to ‘you should talk to her’?” I questioned.  
“Don’t know, didn’t like her,” Meg shrugged.  
“Well, I guess that was fast and easy,” Gabe said, “I brought movies and food, let’s watch some television.”  
“Television?” Meg asked.  
“Tv, same same,” Gabe waved her comment off.  
“Okay, let’s watch Balthy’s so hated movie,” Gabe laughed, holding up a DVD player and the movie.


	18. Gay Bacon and a Runaway Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CASTIEL POV

It didn't matter anymore, what had happened. We wouldn’t have to deal with her again anyways, or at least that’s what we thought.  
“Guys…” Meg said, grabbing our attention, “I wouldn’t want to kill the mood or anything but the lady left her purse here.”  
I looked at Dean, shock consuming our gazes as we glanced at one another. Gabe practically choked in his candy, Sam pounding against his chest to pop the candy back up. Meg’s face flushed red once Gabe spat up the chewy caramel candy. Miracle’s reaction was delayed before she too responded, her whines filling up the room before Sam walked over to silence her. Sam walked over, scooping her up and quieting her before she could make more noise. We all hushed her along with Sam, fearing she may attract attention from the nurses.  
“Fuck,” Dean breathed out, running his hands through his hair. His once joyous eyes now dim from remorse, shooting a glare at Gabe.  
“What? It’s not my fault the bitch forgot her shit,” Gabe said darkly before hiding his face in Sam’s chest. Gabe wrapped his arms around the earth of Sam’s waist. I smiled, seeing Sam’s face light up like a million fireworks.  
“You’re right, sorry,” Dean apologized though he clearly didn’t mean it, only wanting to see Sam happy.  
“Well, what are we going to do?” I asked.  
“Nothing for now,” Dean said before grabbing the bowl of popcorn.  
With this said, the conflict evaporated and we settled down, peaceful again, We let out a breath, perhaps we could get away with not having to return the bag. Maybe, just maybe this would be our perfect little love story. I smiled, snuggling closer to Dean before turning my attention back to the television, all of us had seemed to settle down pretty nicely after Lisa had gone. Meg lifted an eyebrow, glancing at Sam and Gabe getting cozy on the hospital bed. I gave her a small grin before motioning for her to get up on Dean’s empty bed. Meg happily accepted the offer, glancing at Dean for assurance before she bounded over and settled in, Miracle jumping onto her lap. Though we all had much to discuss, for now we would let it be and rejoice in the moment.  
“Hey, bitches!” Charlie said as she bounded through the doors. She stopped in her tracks once she saw the sight of Dean and I along with Sam and Gabe. Meg and her exchanged looks, Charlie’s face softening for a split second before turning her attention back to us.  
“Oh no,” I whispered to Dean. Dean took in a long breath before groaning into my chest at the realization.  
“It's… canon!” Charlie screamed.  
“Destiel and Sabriel,” Charlie whispered, acting as if those words were the most important words in history.  
“Yain’t gonna make me explain it are ya?” Dean whispered although it sounded more like a threat.  
“Hello, Charlie,” I greeted her kindly, hoping that perhaps she wouldn’t bring it up.  
“I… It’s… How- I love this. It’s beautiful,” Charlie whispered before grinning. “Beautiful just like this pretty woman over here.”  
Meg’s face flushed red before she composed herself and stood, a grin on her face. “The name is Meg, nice to meet ya,” Meg said, winking at her.  
I looked at Dean with a shocked expression, surprised to see Meg went both ways. It wasn’t long before the mood was ruined and something went horribly wrong though because right when Meg got off the bed, Miracle bounded right off and out the door. Dean shot up faster than ever and Gabe practically pushed Sam off the bed in surprise, failing when the rails and heavy casts kept him in place. I wanted to get off the bed just as bad as them but it didn’t take long for Dean to notice how much pain that brought him. Gabe on the contrary went scrambling right off the bed and out the door to try to find Miracle. Meg walked over and helped Dean back onto the bed, wincing at his groans and noises of pain. Charlie went to check on Sam making sure he was okay and that she could eat every last piece of gay bacon off Sam’s bed. Gabe came running back in with Miracle, dropping her back on the bed and motioning for Charlie and Meg to join her. Charlie waved Gabe’s invitation off and allowed Meg to cozy up in the bed alone.  
“Do spill,” Charlie said, pulling up a reclining chair next to Dean’s bed - now occupied by Meg - and shoving some popcorn into her mouth.  
“There’s not much to tell,” Dean responded before grabbing some chocolate covered strawberries and popping them into his mouth.  
I sighed, already knowing I would have to be the one to inform her of the recent events. “Well, Dean may have hit me on the head with a rock due to past memories and a bit of his ptsd. That then led to me being kept here for a while. I didn’t do too well and didn’t want him to come over and see me in the state I was in so I didn’t allow him over. Dean then went to his father’s house and was shocked to find the one and only John Winchester. His father left him in pretty bad shape and I assume Sam figured that from the amount of time Dean had taken something must’ve been up. Sam then drove to John’s with the impala and found Dean. Dean then got in with Sam and somehow accidentally ran him over, mistaking him for a shelf. They came to the hospital and ended up in my room and then we made up. Oh, I was with Meg and that was an awkward conversation. Dean just broke up with Lisa a few minutes ago and Gabe came around a little while before hand with Miracle and all this stuff,” I concluded.  
Charlie looked at me with bug eyes. “Dean hit you on the head with a rock and ran over his brother!? John beat Dean again? Dean broke up with Lisa? You were with Meg?” Charlie asked, enraged with some of the questions and merely surprised with others.  
“Yes, Dean hit me on the head with a rock. To be fair, you know he’s been through moments like that and sometimes ptsd isn’t something easy to overcome. He tripped and the rock was there. I wasn’t thinking and from his position it must’ve been perceived as if I was coming at him in an aggressive manner,” I said, defending Dean although I knew Charlie understood. We had both seen firsthand what John could do to his son and it wasn’t anywhere near pretty. John had been a decent man before the tragic death of his wife, however, after that, he wasn’t the same.  
“Gosh, our lives sound like they’re out of one of those trashy fan fics,” Dean joked, half-smiling.  
“A damn good one,” Charlie said even though we both knew she was just kidding us.  
All of us went back to enjoying what was on, everyone except Charlie that was. Charlie was practically vibrating in her chair from restlessness.  
“Alright, that’s enough,” Charlie said, pausing what we were watching. “So, I’m going to be honest. The only reason I’m here is to let you guys know that y’all better get better soon because there is a party coming up and it’s going to be epic.”  
“Charlie, I don’t like parties,” I said, hiding my face in shame.  
“Baby, if you don’t like parties that’s not something to be ashamed about,” Dean said, comforting me.  
“Baby?” I questioned.  
“Yes? Oh- I mean, if that’s alright with you,” Dean said, I could hear sadness in his tone and I did not want to make him anything but happy.  
“Of course it is alright,” I chuckled, placing a small kiss on his forehead.  
“Good,” Dean said.  
“Okay, that’s cute and all but get a room,” Gabe said.  
“We have a curtain,” Dean sassed, getting up and covering us up with the curtain. He snickered, coming back and crawling next to me. I took this opportunity to move myself so that I was resting my head on his chest. His breath was softly brushing against my hair, sending warm currents throughout my body. I closed my eyes as I took in this pleasant feeling, never wanting it to end. He rested his head on mine and closed his eyes. I could feel my body starting to fall asleep but I fought the urge, not wanting to lose the battle. Dean didn’t make anything easier as he ran his hands through my hair, whispering soft and kind things into my ear.  
“Woah there tiger,” I smiled, “I’m pretty sure it hasn’t even been a week yet.”  
Dean groaned, “I’ve known you practically all my life.”  
“Still,” I looked at him with sharp eyes letting him know that we may have known each other for a long time but I still wanted a relationship.  
“I’m kidding,” Dean said, partially meaning it.  
“Yea right,” I grinned at him, turning my head to place a kiss on his chin.  
“You’re adorable,” Dean said softly, a low rumble in his voice.  
“I’m adorable?” I snorted. I didn’t believe Dean one bit and though I trusted him more than anyone in this world, low self-esteem has always been one of my problems.  
“Yes. You are very handsome,” Dean smiled at me.  
“Don’t go about mixing yourself up with me,” I laughed before settling down again, my ribs hurting from the amount of air I was inhaling and exhaling.  
“I’m not,” Dean looked at me shocked and with a look of fake betrayal. He wrapped his arms around me, embracing me in a warm and loving hug. I expected him to retreat his arms but they stayed there and before long I was out like a light. Although this light wasn’t fully gone and I was partly awake. I could hear Dean telling the others to be quiet because I was sleeping. I could hear them grumbling but not fighting back, knowing I need my sleep. I could hear and feel Dean shuffle around slightly before settling down and falling asleep. Once I heard the soft breaths coming out of his mouth, I allowed myself to fully go out. I didn’t mind this one bit. Perhaps, I could sleep with Dean like this more often. Perhaps, Dean would want to sleep like this more often. I just hope that soon we will be able to be in our own room, in our own home. I kissed Dean’s hand subconsciously before I had fully fallen asleep.


End file.
